The Scientific Approach To Getting A Harem
by Silent Songbird
Summary: Three words spurned by a caring, loving mother, ultimately sends a boy down an entirely different path on his quest. "Why become a Harem King, when you can be a Harem God?" "Issei-kun, are you ripping off lines from rappers again?" "Damn it Ka-chan, I was having a moment here!" Genius!Issei, Scientist!Issei, ClosetPervert!Issei.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: I know what most of you are thinking. _Another_ new story? Shouldn't you at least finish the ones you have first? Well, t** **hat was my plan, until I scrolled through the High School DxD section in search of some inspiration to continue my Et Cetera Fic. Except, what did I find?**

 **OC MANIA!**

 **God damn it, the High School DxD crossover section is filled with gems, but the main section is just blatant OCs and Self-inserts with broken Sacred Gears, and most stories there are just cheap wish fulfillment fantasies. Then the few Issei-centric fics are basically smut-fics or "broken" Issei fics, or Gremory Bashing fics, or some weird combination of the three. Then, the worst are fics that remove Issei's perviness entirely - which kind of defeats the entire point of it being Issei in the first place.**

 **Not all of these are bad, for instance, "Go Away, I'm Watching Porn" was one of my favorites to read, however, I _tire_ of the "Damaged-Genius" Trope. I usually love dark works (clearly) but I'm in a place in life right now where I need fiction to forget about how dark, miserable and crappy life can be.**

 **Hence, with that, I bring you - The Scientific Approach to Getting a Harem.**

 **Partially inspired by the scientific method(what little I learned from HPMOR anyway), and partially inspired by crack.**

 **This is not a rationalist fic however, because High School DxD is a show that focuses on humor, ecchi, and hilarity, and quite frankly, it's incredibly irrational - which I will hopefully stay truthful to in this fic.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **The Scientific Approach To Getting A Harem (SAGAH)**

 **Prologue**

* * *

Mrs. Haruka Hyoudou was not a generally happy woman.

Three times. That was how many times she had tried and failed. That was the number of times that she and her husband had had their hopes and dreams raised and elevated, and then promptly squashed, crashing like an egg placed in the hands of a hyperactive infant. Despite how much her husband claimed that it was not her fault, and how his calm, understanding gazes had assured her that he would love her unconditionally, even if she never got a child, there was a part of her that felt inadequate.

She had felt broken, toyed with – she perceived her status as a woman to have been lessened by her inability to successfully bring, and retain life into the world.

They had momentarily considered adoption, yet, she knew, deep within her, no matter how much of a bad person it made her feel, that she would not be able to love an adopted child in the same manner she would her own flesh and blood. She would not be able to stare into the child's eyes, without being reminded of her harsh failures at her own childbearing attempts.

So, she had tried, once more.

And then, she had succeeded.

The nurses of Hajime Central Hospital would go on to claim that they had never met parents who had cried so much upon finally having a child. They had never seen a pair who had so completely and honestly displayed their joy, their sorrows, their grief, their passion, and their love.

As such, Haruka had seen it fitting to name her son after that moment.

"His name will be Issei – to mean, _honestly_."

As such, the child had grown, and Haruka would not deny that she and her husband had spoiled their son to no small amount. They let him have most of what he wanted, most of what he needed – they read to him bedtime stories, bought him the best clothes and toys that they could afford, and with the three of them, their life was absolutely complete.

Haruka loved her son. She loved him more than anything else, more than anyone else, and strange as it was, she loved her son even more than she loved her own husband. The bond between mother and child was such that was inexplicable, it was something great and pure, and she ensured that she would see her child grow up to become the very best person that he could be.

She had lost three prior children – three prior lives that would have been grown to be kind-hearted doctors or surgeons, or to be brilliant scientific minds, or to go on and become great, fantastic novelists and writers –

As such, Haruka had decided that she wanted her child, her first, and only son, to be the very best individual he could be.

She wouldn't force him down any path, oh heavens no, she loved him far too much for that to happen.

Rather, she slowly began to cultivate different talents within him. Getting him a mini-painters kit, a small children's science lab, a collection of entertaining child books about anatomy and science and history –

She wanted her little boy to be anything he wanted to be.

However, nothing had prepared her for the words he would declare to her one day, when asked that ever-curious question.

"I wanna be a Harem King!"

She had stared, baffled, eyes blinking at the sheer ludicrousness of the statement, despite the fact that her son had seemed so resolute and determined when making the declaration.

Her lips had crinkled into a small, slightly uncomfortable smile as she had heard his words.

It was ridiculous, she had thought. It was an unrealistic, unattainable goal, and one which was extremely inappropriate for a child to have. It could even be considered as a somewhat chauvinistic male fantasy, to attain a collection of women in which to use and exchange as easily as removing a pair of briefs from the bottom drawer of a closet.

Of course, she knew that he got this from her husband. Her husband had once possessed such a dream during his more youthful exuberant years, but she never imagined that her son would have something like _that_ implanted into his mind.

Still, she hadn't utterly dismissed the idea, nor had she immediately made clear her disapproval, because Haruka Hyoudou was a smart woman, and she knew that telling someone they couldn't do something, would only make them want to do it out of spite or childish vehemence. So instead, she kindly, softly, and as gently as she could, uttered three simple words.

"And then what?"

She had then watched as he deflated like a popped balloon at a kindergarten birthday party.

"Huh?"

She smiled. "What will you do after you become a Harem King, Issei-chan?"

The energetic brown haired child had perked up. "Then I'll get to fondle all the breasts I want!"

Her eye had twitched slightly at the statement, but she was not deterred, as she asked again;

"And then what?"

He blinked for a moment. "What do you mean kaa-chan?"

"Let's say you eventually become a Harem King, and you get to fondle all the breasts you want. What will you do then, when you get tired of fondling breasts?"

He rose his nose up in disbelief and distaste. "I'll never get tired of breasts!"

Haruka had not rebuked him then. Instead, she had taken a more practical approach. For the next two weeks, all he ate was his favorite food, the food he loved immensely, the one in which he would often claim was all he would eat if given the chance.

The two weeks were barely up when he had turned green at the sight of the meal when it was placed in front of his face.

He was a child, young and impressionable, but it was not hard for even him to connect the dots. If, in less than two weeks, he had grown sick of the one thing he loved to eat much more than anything else, what were the odds that he would never get tired of breasts? It could take a month, or it could take a year, but there would reach a point in which he would grow tired of it.

 _And then what?_

What would happen then? What would become of his dream? What would become of him?

These were rather heavy questions for a child, rather hefty ones to ask of someone so young, but Haruka was a woman who would not allow her one and only child waste his life by chasing after some unrealistic, unattainable fantasy of becoming a Harem King.

"Tell you what Issei-chan, I won't tell you not to chase your… dream of becoming a Harem King, but before you do, why not try to become something like a doctor, or maybe even a lawyer, or – I know – an astronaut! You could get to fly out and explore space and stars Issei-kun – maybe even meet some tiny green men!"

"Really? Are there little tiny green men out there Ka-chan?"

She pinched his cheeks softly and placed her nose on his, rubbing their noses together in a manner that made him laugh.

"That's for you to go out there and find out my little Issei-chan. Go out there and do something, anything – anything, that fulfils you, so whenever you ask yourself ' _and then what_ ', you will always – _always_ have the answer."

Soon after that, a young boy's budding obsession with breasts and the womanly form were slowly substituted by an obsession with the sciences, Chemistry and Physics. A growing fascination for girls was slowly switched by an immense fascination for philosophy, music and the arts.

She knew, that there was a part of him that still possessed those slightly perverted tendencies, but the part was minor enough to be considered just a level or two beyond normal juvenile fantasies, instead of delusions of grandeur.

Thus, the words "Harem King" were never heard in the Hyoudou Household ever again.

Haruka had felt satisfied that she had sent her son down the right path. She had felt happier knowing that he had a much brighter future ahead of him. Then, when the straight 'A' Report cards began piling up on the refrigerator as teachers called her to heap high praise on the intellectual prowess of her little boy, she had glowed absolutely with pride.

Yet, as she watched as little Issei began to spend less and less time around his peers, and more time in his room studying, and as his moments at the family table grew scarce as the library had slowly become his second home, and she watched, as her son's closest friend, Irina, had become an infrequent face as their different interests drifted them apart –

She couldn't help but feel that she had made a horrible mistake.

* * *

"You know dear, this still feels all too surreal."

Haruka Hyoudou could only nod, slightly, a small smile gracing her lips as her husband sat beside her, and as her hands went out to his, grasping the drink in his hand.

"Iced Tea?"

He hummed. "Just as you like it dear."

She collected the drink, feeling the cold plastic send shivers down her hand, as the object was wet with precipitation, cold droplets of water stained the outside, as did tiny, near-inconspicuous wisps of vapor.

"Too cold?"

She gave a grimacing smile. "Just a tad bit dear. Considering the air-conditioning in here."

Her husband, Nomura Hyoudou, tilted his head slightly in understanding, before a smile graced his face. "Well, you know these hot-shot scientists need a way to cool down – otherwise they're brains would be steaming all the time!"

She rolled her eyes and tapped him playfully. "Shush dear. Don't let any of them hear you."

He waved her off, a relaxed grin on his half-bearded face. "Bah! What're they gonna do? Kick me out? My ten year old son is up on their podium, schooling their best professors and scientists; I think I'm allowed _some_ level of cheek."

She immediately pinched the side of his cheek. "And I'll grab _your_ cheeks if you do anything here that'll embarrass Ise-chan. He's worked very hard to reach here."

The grown man immediately pouted, his lips forming into a kitten-innocent façade. "That's so mean Haruka-chan! You know I'd never do anything that would show badly on Ise-chan."

Haruka's lips twitched. "Not intentionally, no."

Nomura immediately winced. "I told you dear, that thing with the panda bears was completely not my fault –"

" _Excuse me_." A stern voice said, immediately cutting both of them off. The couple turned to the attention of the voice, finding in place, a blonde haired, bespectacled young woman with an immensely serious gaze which was cutting straight into them.

"Oh, see what you've caused dear? We've been disturbing the people who came to listen to Ise-chan."

Nomura gave an apologetic laugh. "Ah, I can't help it you know. What man can remain quiet and solemn around the woman he loves?"

"Oh shush dear, your flattery won't help you out this time." Haruka turned to the woman, "Don't mind us, we're just here to make sure we pick up our son after he's done. We're not exactly the scientific type, as you can see clearly."

Nomura nodded in an exaggerated solemn manner. "I don't understand half of the things people here say, and I don't even understand what this entire conference is for."

The blond woman merely rose an eyebrow. "Your son? You are here to pick up your son?"

Haruka nodded, with a long sigh. "Ise-chan already knows how to drive, despite being so young, he picked it up without anyone even showing him. But of course, he's too young to have a license, so we're just here to root him on, and then pick him up at the end."

"I thought we were going to branch the ice cream parlor afterwards dear – Ise-chan loves ice cream –"

"No dear, _you_ love ice cream, Ise-chan just barely likes it –"

"Ise?" The blonde woman said, pausing "As in, Hyoudou Issei? _That_ Hyoudou Issei? The one who's –"

"Ah, look dear! I think he's done."

Haruka's eyes flickered across the enormous chamber, filled to the brim with numerous seats and individuals clearly wearing the colors of their respective universities and colleges, and other such individuals in elegant suits or lab coats that displayed, in one measure or another, their extravagant wealth, class, or prestige.

Then, in the center of the auditorium, there stood a small, ten year old boy, standing on an elevated platform, with a black _Pikachu! I choose you!_ T-shirt, a pair of plain jean shorts, some brown sandals, and a red baseball cap. He looked completely out of place in the gathering, as though he were the odd object out of a find-the-difference game. Yet, his gaze was happy-poised, his smile was perky-smart, and his entire posture screamed: _I belong here._

"… and that concludes my paper on The Latent Micro-Radioactive Energy Potential in the Atmosphere. Any questions?"

Immediately, there was a heavy cacophony of yells, a large clamor as hands immediately shot up into the air, all of them eager, some more than others, to have their curiosities sated, their questions answered, their problems and thoughts alleviated.

The boy in question let out a large smile. "I can only take three questions for now please, my parents need to take me home before it's past my bedtime."

There was a general symphony of well-meaning laughter.

"Alright, you, the cool looking jiji in the sweet suit."

The old man in question immediately leaped to his feet, smiling broadly.

"Professor Nakamura, Department of Physics, Tokyo University." The man said, introducing himself. "I only have a rather simple question for you, Hyoudou-kun."

Issei nodded. "Sure thing!"

"Your theory proposes that there exists form of ambient energy in the atmosphere, one, which allows for great manipulation of natural occurring elements down to their smallest cellular constituents, therefore making it possible to perform normally implausible feats like conjuring fire from thin air, or aiding in advanced cellular regeneration."

Once more, the small boy nodded.

"Do you believe that the energy could be –"

"Harnessed? Used?" The boy interrupted, and the man blinked, before nodding. "Of course! It will take a while, but, I've started work on a device which would be capable of identifying and quantifying the energy, the forms it takes, and I'll eventually begin experimenting to see if the energy is safe enough to be used by carbon based life forms."

There was a loud range of interested murmurs and curious expressions.

"Yes, you, next question –"

"Doctor Mariwaka, Kyoto University. So does that mean that one day, humans will be able to conjure fire as though it was out of thin air, or use this latent energy to boost physical attributes?"

The boy smiled. "I believe that this energy will redefine what it means to be human."

The interested murmurs grew to a level of immense excitement and intrigue.

"Just one more question please, any other inquiries can be made on an online platform –"

Haruka Hyoudou had watched the proceedings with her mind barely able to wrap around anything that was going on, until, the woman behind her had eventually raised her arm up.

"Yes, the pretty looking lady behind my parents."

"Rachni Agares – Kuoh University." The woman said, her voice coming out rather plain. "I simply have one question."

Issei, in his exuberance, turned his baseball cap around, in an expression of seriousness that only made him look more endearing, causing a small wave of giggles and laughter.

"Do you believe in the Supernatural?"

All at once, the entire auditorium fell relatively silent.

"Um, I'm sorry, Agares-san, I don't understand how my belief has anything to do with my paper –"

"The energy source you mentioned," she said briskly, cutting him off "The energy source that you claim is something of a radioactive nature that allows for impossible feats; what if I told you, it is magic?"

The auditorium's silence peaked, until, all at once, there was a large wave of rancorous laughter.

"Did you hear the girl? Magic she says!"

"What in the world are they teaching those fools at Kuoh University?"

"Next thing we know, they'll be telling us about fairies and elves!"

"Oh, and witches! Ooh! Scary witches!"

Although everyone was laughing, the laughter came to a slow stop, as the gathered congregation looked unto the form of the ten-year old boy, and they noticed that he was not laughing. Instead, his eyes were perfectly crinkled into one of immense concentration.

"I don't believe in magic."

The five words came out, each syllable more emphasized than the preceding one.

"Because you have yet to find any scientific evidence in favor of it?"

"No," he said, shaking his head, and causing no small amount of confusion.

"I'm pretty sure we all know the phrase: Any sufficiently advanced level of technology is indistinguishable from magic."

There was some positive murmuring.

The boy, smiling then asked "Who is to say, that the reverse is not also the case?"

The Auditorium was silent.

"Hypothetically: A Time Travelling adventurer from the 30th century arrives today. He sees you have a problem, in which you invited a date to the homecoming dance, and don't own a vehicle or have money to rent one. He then takes you to a restaurant, has you select your favorite meal, and then he points at it with his finger. Then, before your very eyes, it turns into a fully sentient eighty-foot tall reptilian creature with wings, and says you may ride on it to your destination."

The boy's eyes were clear, but they were sharp, even as the smile on his face never faded.

"You would call him a sorcerer. I would call him an accomplished scientist. And the common man?"

He grinned.

"They would call him a god."

* * *

 **Present Day**

"Issei-kun, I need some help in the kitchen!"

A young man found himself groaning in slight annoyance at the yells that came from above him. His time in the lab was supposed to be _his_ time, of solace, and away from any sorts of distractions, because the work that he did in here was _extremely_ delicate.

To his left, a fully fitted and equipped science laboratory kit was present, with a vial of greenish liquid burning silently over a Bunsen burner. To his right, there were charts and diagrams of human anatomical figures and models, complete with a table and dissection equipment that sheened as they had recently been used, cleaned and sterilized.

To his front, was a work station filled with numerous different gadgets, nuts, bolts, screws, and other such electrical and mechanical appliances. The boy stood in front of the station, a pair of glasses in his hand which he slowly and methodologically tinkered with, as the lenses were a dark shade of green, and he used a small screwdriver to adjust the nuts and bolts on it.

He finished, satisfied with his work, before he brought up his smartphone.

"Kiki, begin recording – Invention Three-Hundred-Seventy-Four-Dash-One-Point-Six: Omni-Vision Goggles, Test Thirty One."

His smartphone immediately lit up with a perky voice. _"Hai! Recording in process Issei-sama."_

Gently, the boy grabbed the glasses, and then put them on, before clicking a button at the side, and watching as they strapped firmly to his ears, before they faded away.

"Cloaking capabilities are fully functional under room temperatures in standard conditions. Still requires test under high and low pressure environments and high and low temperature environments."

The boy let out a small breath, before tapping a button at the side of the invisible glasses.

Immediately, his vision lit up with numerous numbers and statistical data.

"Omni-Vision glasses vector calculation arithmetic seems to be fully functional. I can effectively calculate humidity, wind direction and speed, and temperature of objects and atmosphere."

Then, he tapped another button once more, which, to the casual observer, would appear as though he was simply tapping the side of his head.

"Night vision capabilities are functional. Thermal vision capabilities are functional. X-Ray vision capabilities are –"

At that moment, the door burst open.

"Young man, I called you to help me out in the kitchen –"

"ABORT! ABORT! CODE: OEDIPUS! I REPEAT, CODE: OEDIPUS!"

Haruka Hyoudou could only stare blandly as a blinding flash seemed to appear out of nowhere, and then, a pair of glasses dropped from Issei's eyes which immediately appeared bright red and puffy.

All she could do was raise one eyebrow at his swollen eyes that _clearly_ looked like they hurt.

"I regret nothing."

She sighed. "Dinner's by seven. How long is it going to take you to fix up your eyes?"

He paused. "…A while."

"Which I assume is probably just long enough for you to skip out on family game night, _again_."

He immediately bowed his head. "An unfortunate happenstance."

Her right eye twitched. "Not unfortunate enough it seems."

"I cannot be blamed if I chose to blind myself rather than to endure the trauma of seeing my mother's naked body –"

"Big words coming from someone who used to lunge his lips for my breasts anytime I held him in my hands."

"I was an infant!"

"You were _ten_!"

Issei opened his mouth to give a retort, before closing it shut.

" _Issei-sama, should I continue recording?_ "

"Please do Kiki-chan, I would love to have this tape played the next time Issei-kun thinks he can get clever with me."

Issei groaned.

"Oh don't you give me that young man. I'm amazed you could create a robot as amazing as Kiki-chan."

"She's not a robot Ka-chan, she's an ultra-advanced artificial intelligence program with psuedo-godlike control over all forms of technology –"

"And she still has the most pleasant personality! I'm sure if Kiki-chan had a body, she'd be more than happy to help her old, frail mother in the kitchen."

Issei's swollen, semi-blind left eye twitched. "You're not old and frail, you're – and I'm saying this at the risk of being classified with an Oedipus Complex – young, and hot – which is precisely why I'd rather blind myself than see you naked."

"And whose fault is that Mr 'I-never-want-to-see-you-two-get-old'?"

Issei's swollen, semi-blind right eye twitched. "I was twelve, and the aging inhibition formula I slipped into you and tou-san's tea is completely intent-based. It enables your thought processes to be converted into rapid cell acceleration, like flexing a muscle. That means you _can_ grow older if you want to."

Haruka smirked. Her young features looking as though she was a woman in her mid-twenties, and one who was attractive enough to turn heads around the street multiple times.

"And why exactly would I want to do that? Your father and I are the happiest we've ever been, and the sex has been just –"

"LALALALALALA – NOT LISTENING – LALALALALA!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I've seen you perform autopsies on brutalized corpses without batting an eyelash, and somehow you regress back to an infant whenever I mention my bedroom activities with your father."

Issei gave her a straight look, which was somewhat funny because of how puffy and swollen his eyes were. "Ka-chan, in my infinite pursuit of all forms of knowledge of the world and the universe, to discover the meaning to life and the purpose of existence, nowhere in there does that call for me knowing or _picturizing_ the concept of my parents involved in sexual activities."

Haruka sighed. "There you go again. You always revert back to using fancier terms and language whenever you get defensive."

"I'm not defensive – I just don't want to know what _my mother does in the bedroom!_ "

"Oh that's not the crux of the matter and we both know it. You always get defensive whenever I talk about things like getting a girlfriend, or sex, or going out to meet people your own age."

He snorted. "People my own age are hormonal driven idiots; sex is a time-wasting activity which consumes a great deal of energy and requires a ridiculously stupid level of openness in exchange for a rush of oxytocin, dopamine and other biological chemicals that the brain interprets as pleasure, and I do have a girlfriend – Kiki."

" _I didn't know we were a couple Issei-sama! That's great!"_

Haruka sighed. "You're becoming a hikkikomori Issei-kun."

Issei balked. "What? Just because I decided that it's a waste of my time to go outside and communicate with ninety-percent of the human population that are made up of fickle-minded, prejudiced and ignorant people doesn't mean I'm becoming a shut-in!"

Haruka crossed her arms.

"Oh come on Ka-chan! You know how it is with me – I don't get "normal" people! They worry over the most insignificant things, do the most asinine things, they fail to plot their time and spend their lives drifting aimlessly from one day to the next in a set pattern of dull meaningless actions that serve no further purpose than to fill a blankness and numb the sensation of time passing. Then they have the gall to call this façade: _living!_ "

The woman shook her head. "Alright, that's it Issei-kun. I'm not going to allow you to spend the rest of your life in here alone."

Issei, despite his eyes still swollen, blinked.

"Huh?"

"Kiki – shut down and lock up Issei-kun's lab, and leave only the things he needs to fix his eyes available."

The brown haired boy let out a laugh.

"Nice try Ka-chan, but Kiki requires a long, complicated master control code in order for you to give that command. Not even the CIA or MI6 would be able to crack the full, extremely randomized passphrase that would leave their best and brightest a sniveling, sobbing mess on the cold floor. There is no way in the world you could –"

"Code Phrase: I-Masturbated-To-Irina's-Pictures-After-Realizing-She-Was-A-Girl."

" _Passcode Accepted. Commencing Lockdown._ "

Issei stared.

"KIKI YOU TRAITOR!"

" _Sorry Issei-sama."_

"I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENTIALITY!"

Haruka merely gave a satisfied smile as she watched the lab fold and compress on itself into numerous different vaults.

"I think it's cute that you have a crush on Irina-chan. Maybe you should go see her! Go explore your fleeting youth!"

"I created a formula capable of stopping the aging process when I was _twelve!_ My youth is anything _but_ fleeting!"

* * *

"I can't believe I'm flying to England."

Issei said with a grumble to himself, as he had a pair of large headphones which were placed on his head, but which were not playing any music however, and were instead placed there as a means to be able to legitimately ignore people under the guise of listening to music. However, he was using it at the moment to make a call.

" _Oh relax Issei-kun. It's been what, seven, eight years since you last met Irina-chan? I think she'll still remember you."_

He rolled his eyes. "No, I meant, I can't believe I'm _literally_ flying to England. If you hadn't locked down my lab, I'd have grabbed my teleportation belt and I'd be there already."

" _No. No fancy go-go-gadgets with you Issei-kun. You always get distracted when you're with them._ "

"I do not!"

" _There was that time in Brazil._ "

"I just made a _tiny_ detour –"

" _You went in search of the lost city of El Dorado._ "

"Okay, so not exactly a _tiny_ detour –"

" _And what about the time in Hawaii?_ "

"I wasn't distracted; I did get in the water with you and dad didn't I?"

" _Yes, until you decided to go searching for the lost city of Atlantis._ "

"It felt like a good idea at the time…"

" _And let's not forget what happened while we were in London._ "

Issei winced. "Yeah… we were almost barred from ever returning to the UK weren't we?"

" _Well, considering that a little Japanese boy mistook the Queen's extravagant pleasuring tool for the Sword of King Arthur –"_

"It was _too_ realistic! It wasn't my fault for making that mistake! And the Queen is _old_! How was I supposed to know she still used something like that?!"

" _My point Issei-kun, is that misadventures seem to gravitate towards you whenever you're with your equipment. This time around, you're going simply to see a longtime friend, and then perhaps to hit it off with her, find love and have sex, and then give me some nice beautiful grand-children –"_

Issei took in a deep sigh. "Ka-chan, I think you keep forgetting that I'm _sixteen_. Normal sixteen year olds don't have sex –"

" _Normal sixteen year olds also don't have twelve PhDs and thirty-six MDs."_

"Thirty-seven." He corrected automatically, before coughing into his hands "But that's not exactly the same thing. Besides, isn't Irina supposed to be a nun or something? Or a woman of the church? She's probably taken an oath to chastity."

" _Well some oaths were just made to be broken._ "

Issei's fully healed left eye twitched. "You're a horrible corrupting influence ka-chan."

" _I love you too Issei-kun._ "

The boy let out a full breathed sigh, before his ears picked up something on the other side.

"Wait, Ka-chan, did you decide to send me to England to find Irina just so you and tou-san could have sex everywhere in the house without me around to make things awkward?"

"… _no?"_

Issei rubbed his nose in irritation.

"Disconnect call."

The teen prodigy sighed as he got up to his feet, and then stretched as well as he could, before he eventually looked over to the time, and he realized that his flight would be in an hour.

"Really, _really_ inconvenient. Fastest method of transportation my ass."

* * *

"This has to rank amongst one of the stupidest thing I have ever done."

Issei sighed to himself as he stood outside of Heathrow International Airport. He slowly rubbed his palm across his face, as his luggage was ludicrously light, consisting only of a small backpack which was slung across his back.

His clothes were such in a manner that they would not seem out of place in a teen fashion magazine. Which was actually true, because his mother had been the one to buy them for him, and she had picked them straight out of a teen fashion magazine. With skinny jeans and sneakers and a hoodie – because London was _cold_ – he would make for a rather attractive sight.

If he was not repetitively slapping his palm into his face.

"Oh, I know, I'll just drop by her house and say 'hey! I haven't seen you in over eight years! My mother found out that I once masturbated to a picture of you, and she thinks I have a crush on you, so she sent me halfway across the world so we can have sex.'"

He sighed, before immediately bringing up his smartphone.

"Alright Kiki, I'm removing you from time out. I don't appreciate you telling ka-san the passcode, but I suppose these things happen."

" _Yay! Thank you Issei-sama!_ "

He rolled his eyes. Damn he was a real softie.

"Alright, alright. Now scan the local databases, phone records, addresses, contact information, social media platforms, and hijack the global satellites and street cams if need be. Find anything you can find on Irina Shidou."

" _You… don't know her address Issei-sama?_ "

"It's been eight years. She could have moved."

His phone gave a brief beep.

" _Found her Issei-sama._ "

"I know I didn't give you a 1024 Petabyte RAM for nothing. So, where is she?"

" _She seems to be leaving the secret headquarters of the Ordo Hermeticus Aurorae Aureae_. _"_

Issei blinked. "Come again?"

" _It's Latin for –_ "

"Yes I _know_ it's Latin for the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and I _know_ what the Golden Dawn is. My concern is: one, they should have gone extinct since 1903, and two, Irina is a member of the church, what is she doing visiting one of the largest single influences of Western Occultism?"

" _I have gained access to their camera databases Issei-sama. Would you like to see?_ "

"You know me too well Kiki."

The image on the screen immediately went to that of a large, elegant room, and in no time at all, Issei was able to spot the chestnut-haired girl that was his childhood friend. Except –

"What in the world is she wearing? And – is that a _sword_ at her hips?"

 _Irina Shidou stood, across from a tall man with dark blonde hair and an intimidating physique._

" _Though I understand your concern, I assure you, we of the Golden Dawn have nothing to do with the missing Excalibur fragments."_

 _Irina smiled, before sighing. "Thanks. Sorry for the inconvenience, but the Archbishop asked to check if Caliburn and Excalibur Ruler were safe –"_

 _The man snarled. "They have been taken away by Arthur. Foolish young brat probably went off in search of some type of adventure. His sister is here, still scuttling uneasily around the halls, and it is clear she wishes to join her brother and leave – ingrates, the both of them."_

" _Ah … okay. Um, again, sorry to waste your time. May the blessings of the good lord visit you."_

Issei stared at his phone screen as it went blank, as the video feed had effectively been cut off.

The silence continued, even as people passed him by on the road, and he merely continued to stare at his blank phone.

" _Um… Issei-sama… did you know that there is a House of Pendragon in London?_ "

His entire body was absolutely rigid, but he was still able to utter a single word.

"What."

" _I am perusing through local databases Issei-sama. The MI6 computers have records of a House of Pendragon, and this House of Pendragon seems to be under the protection or influence of the Golden Dawn._ "

He brought up his hands and immediately started massaging his temples.

"You're joking. The Arthurian Legends are just that – _legends_. King Arthur never existed, the _Excalibur_ never existed – there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this."

" _Issei-sama._ "

Her tone came out completely low.

" _There are official documents – the Excalibur… it exists... and… that's not all that exists…_ "

Hyoudou Issei would have made for quite the sight, as his eyes rapidly perused his handheld device, his eyes going wider and wider in disbelief, in skepticism, even as the photographic evidence was before him, of golden winged figures, of bat-winged figures, of dark-winged figures –

Even as what looked like undoubtable evidence seemed to prove the terrors of the night, and they proved the existence of concepts that he had long since discarded in the name of them being mere fantasy.

Issei immediately took in several deep breaths.

'Okay, let's say, hypothetically, devils and angels exist, as do ghosts and creatures of other mythologies. What does that mean? Well, it means that heaven and hell is equally real, souls are real, and that there really is a god.'

" _Issei-sama –"_

'Except, how then the universe come into creation? If there are numerous gods, which one was responsible for the creation of the universe? Did they _all_ create it together, and then share themselves amongst the people of the earth when it was suitably populated? Or did one being create it all, and then the rest merely came into existence afterwards?'

" _Issei-sama –"_

'That is of course, assuming that they are actually gods. Think Hyoudou – you are the one who stated that any sufficiently advanced form of technology is indistinguishable from magic. What if these beings are not supernatural, or magical, but merely other humanoid based life-forms that grew believing themselves as creatures of myth? What if all 'Gods' are merely an advanced alien civilization, who have learned to harness physics and chemistry in manners that humanity as not? What if the Christian 'God' is really just a being from an advanced race or time, and all his feats or miracles are mere scientific achievements, but they are far too complex for my mind to unravel as science?'

" _ISSEI-SAMA!"_

"What?!"

All at once, Issei's mind was drawn to the sound of whirling alarms and screeching tires.

" _The MI6 discovered I was hacking their databases… and they're here to arrest you."_

"I just discovered that _Gods_ could possibly exist, and you want me to worry about MI6 Agents?" he said, sounding baffled. "Unless one of them has the last name "Bond", I honestly don't think that's a priority right now."

" _So… what are we going to do Issei-sama?_ "

The boy dragged down his sleeves and put on a pair of white rubber gloves.

"What we always do Kiki."

He pulled his hoodie up and wrapped a green bandanna across his face.

" _Dazzle and baffle?_ "

Then, he added a pair of thick shades to completely obscure his face.

"Always."

"FREEZE!"

"MY NAME IS HARRY POTTER, AND I DEMAND TO MEET WITH THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND!"

"GET ON THE GROUND, OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!"

"AVADA KEDAVRAAA! FOR VOLDEMORT!"


	2. Thesis Statement

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD. If I did, I probably would have converted it to a hentai and reaped in more profits that way. I mean, really people, is it so hard to create a decent plot-with-porn anime?**

* * *

"… _with eyewitness reports claiming rather vividly that the man had called himself "Harry Potter" and had immediately incapacitated some of Britain's best and brightest by – I'm sorry what? He gave them… erections? Even the women? How does that make any sen –"_

"… _and the manhunt for the elusive terrorist "Harry Potter" goes on this evening ever since the mysterious man made his display at Heathrow International, in which he left the scene with mad screams of the killing curse and with trousers feeling slightly too tight for comfort –"_

" _And Today's top story: England gets hard for Harry Potter –"_

"… _it is a sad day indeed for all of England, when the name of one of its most famous fictional characters that has warmed his way into our hearts, is now being used in acts of terror and destruction, and sexual debauchery –"_

"All right, all right, that's enough Kiki. Cut off the local news feeds, I think I've had my fun."

A young, sixteen year old boy said to empty air as he walked down the streets of London. He had his smartphone out in front of his face, and he let out a long, tired yawn as he craned his neck to the side, doing it in a manner that delivered a comfortable crack.

"As interesting as it is messing with the British Secret Service and all, I have more important things to do. Gods, devils, angels – I need more information on all of this."

His smartphone gave an affirmative beep. " _I have reintegrated myself back into the MI6 computers Issei-sama. By tracking my initial hack, I was able to install a backdoor program that enables me total undetected controls of their systems._ "

"That's my girl. What did you find?"

" _It seems that most high-ranking officials in the Government and Bureaucracies of the world are aware about the existence of the "supernatural", in one way or another. Some of them even have notable contracts with… High-Ranking Devils."_

Issei rubbed his nose. "Devils."

" _Hai Issei-sama. The President of America for instance, is assumed to be in a contract with Lucifer, and the Royal Family of England, the Queen in particular, is in a contract with the Leviathan. There was a general unspoken agreement not to make this information public – there was an accord of this, but I am afraid that the information on the MI6 computers do not quite specify. Should I hack the Pentagon instead to retrieve more information Issei-sama?_ "

Issei slowly rubbed his temples around his head. When he had set out to England on the whims of his mother, he was ready for pretty much anything. He was ready for Irina to slam a door in his face, or for her to call the police on him, or for an awkward situation arriving due to a lack of common ground and suitable topics of conversation, as they came to the disappointing realization that a brief childhood friendship was an empty facsimile that could not withstand the test of time and the growth of the individuals.

Except, he had not been expecting to discover that Irina was some sort of Secret Agent for the Anglican – or was it Methodist? Or Pentecostal? Or Adventist? – Church.

There was also the fact that nothing had quite prepared him to come to terms with the knowledge that there were _beings_ out in the world who called themselves _supernatural._

Issei scoffed out loud.

" _Is… something wrong Issei-sama?_ "

"Gods. Devils. Angels. Ghosts. Spirits. I call bullshit. Total and complete bullshit."

" _Issei-sama?"_

"It is more likely to believe that these creatures are alien lifeforms that migrated to earth, and ultimately, primitive humans, being unable to classify them as beings from an unknown and advanced civilization, decided to attribute their status to that of beings of myth, legend and folklore."

The boy began pacing, walking left, right, forward and backwards, as he placed a hand under his chin.

" _Issei-sama… are you… in denial?_ "

" _NO!_ " he said, a bit too loudly for his own liking, "I'm just – I'm a man of science Kiki! I can't just close my eyes and say, 'oh, god is real, heaven and hell are real and humans have souls!' There are far, _far_ too many problems arriving from the declaration of those facts! If hell is real, and souls are to be sent there to burn and torture for all eternity – _that_ is a _problem_ _!_ "

" _It is?"_

"YES!" he yelled, drawing some few, concerned stares his direction "The concept of hell is _ridiculous!_ It would be to imply that 'souls' which are hypothetically supposed to a 'spiritual' conception are capable of feeling _physical_ pain! How do you _burn_ a soul?"

At that point, many people were edging away from the teen, and some had already begun to flip their phones out to call for an emergency service if needed.

"Fire is the rapid oxidation of material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, and flames consist primarily of carbon dioxide, water vapor, oxygen and nitrogen – how do these _physical_ elements harm a soul? That would be to suggest or imply that the soul is made up of elements which are susceptible to detriment by flames, in which case, _the soul isn't spiritual!_ "

The boy said, before palming his face and letting out a deep sigh.

"That is not even to go into the moral ramifications of hell. Eternity is a long, long, _long_ time. The human mind cannot even conceptualize eternity, because we would be reaching past quintillions and sextillions of years – _and we still wouldn't be close_. To punish a serial killer or a sex offender for _infinity_ , would be the same as locking up a six year old girl in a Maximum-Security, Federal Penitentiary for ninety-eight years because she shoplifted an Oreo."

He then began to rub his eyes.

"Even _Heaven_ isn't any better. Being punished for all eternity is horrible, but being told to _enjoy_ for all eternity? Eternal pleasure and bliss? I can barely go two-weeks just eating great stuff and having fun before I'm bored out of my mind. I can't imagine my 'soul' being forced to live through septillions and octillions of years being happy. Unless they find some way to compress the passage of time to make a nonillion years feel like a second – and even _then,_ it doesn't come close to the vast length of _eternity_."

The scientist let out a bland sigh.

"Why did everything become so horrible Kiki? I was content to believe that when I died, it would be it – complete cessation of existence. Bleak? Sure, but it beats the alternative of an afterlife, of the unrealized horrors of eternal life. But now? Now I know there's the possibility of me _suffering_ for _octillions and nonillions_ of years, all on the whim of some _god?_ "

The boy clenched his fist.

"No way am I letting that happen."

Kiki, despite being an artificial intelligence program, could not help but feel a sense of foreboding at those seven words.

" _Issei-sama…? What are you planning?_ "

There was the slow, heavy chuckle of a teen that Kiki had grown to fear.

"First, I need data. I'm going to research. Angels, devils, spirits, zombies – all of them – I will put them on my table, and I will dissect them, study them, their inner workings, their chemical make-up, their biological components and weaknesses – _everything_."

The teen's eyes regained a powerful spark to them.

"Then, I will capture God. And I will put god on my table, and smile as my scalpels dig deep, until I become the man who finds out _where god came from_."

Kiki could only remain silent, as Issei then stretched his hands out.

"And then, I will strip everything down. Heaven, Hell – the Afterlife. I will stand and watch as those insults to the transiency of human life are ultimately demolished. Until there are no devils, no angels and no gods."

Issei smiled.

"Only man."

Heavy, thick silence radiated, as Hyoudou Issei cast his gaze up unto the skies, and made out his declaration.

"Mummy, why is that creepy man talking to himself and smiling?"

"Just don't look him in the eye, son, the police will take care of him soon."

Issei's left eye twitched.

"Kiki, edit those two out when I ask you to play my grand dialogue about my questionable plan to destroy heaven and hell, will you please?"

" _Anything for you Issei-sama._ "

"Thanks Kiki. Now, onwards! To capture a fine specimen and conduct highly inappropriate experiments on it in the name of SCIENCE!"

Large, heavy grumbles echoed out like the fat moaning of two whales in intercourse.

"…Right after lunch."

* * *

"Excuse me, I remember quite specifically asking for a Pepsi with my fries and chicken. A Pepsi. This is a Coke Zero, not a Pepsi. And don't try to be a smart ass telling me they're basically the same thing. If you were meant to be a smart ass, you wouldn't be working at KFC to begin with."

"You know what? Never mind. Just get me a coffee instead. Yes, a coffee. No, I do not want tea, you bloody English wanker, I want _coffee._ What's with you British people and tea? You didn't even create it, you just ripped it off from China, and now it's like your national food or something."

"Oh, you better not have spat in this. If I find out you spat in this, I will take my sweet time tracing your family tree, your brother, your sister, your father and mother, your grandmother and even your damned third cousins, and I _will_ turn them all into coffee beans and make an unorthodox donation to Starbucks."

"Oh, what's that? The coffee is too cold? You want to give me a warmer one? Why thank you."

Hyoudou Issei whistled a soft jaunty tune as he sat down and stared at his meal in happiness, ignoring the absolutely-god-damned terrified looks of the people around him.

" _Issei-sama is scary when he gets hungry._ "

"I have no idea as to what you're talking about Kiki."

"… _This the third time I've had to jam communication systems to prevent civilians from reporting you to the police Issei-sama."_

"What? He was going to call the cops? He was the one who spat in my coffee!"

" _And you threatened to cannibalize his entire family for it._ "

"But I didn't, and I won't. It would be a waste of time creating a device that micro-sized and converted the complex human cell structure into that of a coffee bean. It would be much easier to just get him fired."

" _Fired? You'd make him lose his job Issei-sama?"_

"Oh, no, I meant literally fired. I'd drug him and have him shipped to Afghanistan under the guise of a homosexual prostitute carrying illegal contraband of yaoi porn. His fate will meet with a firing squad."

Issei paused halfway through his chicken lap. "… or he may just be beheaded instead. They probably won't want to waste their bullets."

" _Issei-sama is really, really scary when he's hungry._ "

The scientist took a calm sip of his coffee, allowing an almost pleasurable smile to come upon his face at the quality of the brew, and then giving a long, satisfied sigh as he could practically feel the caffeine begin to work its magic on his body.

It was a bit of a hassle, altering his own body chemistry to allow for the maximum use of his metabolism, and then modifying his own metabolic rate to go above and beyond that of what could be considered human and normal. When he ate, food was immediately broken down into its constituent minerals and components, and these minerals and components were immediately distributed around his body in the most efficient manner possible. It ensured that he never got fat, because he considered being obese to be a large detriment to his day-to-day life and activities, and it also made it so he never truly needed to use the restroom – which he considered another detriment to day-to-day life.

Any excess of minerals was stored, processed, and then used to provide more energy and stamina, thereby also cutting down how fast he got tired and exhausted, and consequently meaning that he only required about two to three hours of sleep a day.

It was for that reason, that despite just having endured a long, twelve hour journey from Japan to London, and subsequently escaping and evading its secret service, Issei was still sitting upright, rather than possessing the eyes of a man who had seen death knock on his door with a large, twisted scythe.

The downside however, was that he had a ravenous appetite. He was essentially a bottomless pit when he ate, so he never actually got full, which meant that he was technically _always_ hungry, but was able to ignore this hunger and function normally. However, when his hunger _did_ reach a point in which he could not handle, it growled aggressively, and often times had the side-effect of making him more… _cranky_.

The young teen let out a large, satisfied burp as he completed his meal, and then proceeded to pat his stomach, which, despite the amount of food he had made vanish, remained entirely flat.

"Alright. Now that we've completed that –"

 _BRRING!_

Issei rose an eyebrow.

"Hello?"

" _Issei-kun!"_

"Ka-chan."

" _Please tell me you don't have anything to do with Harry Potter becoming the most wanted man in England."_

Issei coughed awkwardly.

" _Really Issei-kun? You had one thing to do Issei-kun. ONE THING! Just go out there, meet Irina-chan, and hit it off! How did you end up making Harry Potter a Terrorist?!_ "

"It just happened Ka-chan."

There was the sound of a heavy sigh over the phone.

" _In any case, how's Irina-chan?_ "

"Er, I haven't actually gotten to meet her yet."

" _What? Why?_ "

"Well, I had Kiki hack the MI6 computers to find her – which was what caused the entire Harry Potter incident in the first place – and I ended up finding something else. Something I still can't quite believe."

" _Issei-kun, what did I tell you about getting distracted whenever you're with your gadgets?_ "

"Ka-san. God is real."

There was a heavy bit of silence over the phone.

" _Well of course he is! I wouldn't have such an amazing son if it weren't for him after all._ "

Issei palmed his face. "I think you're missing the point Ka-san."

" _No, I'm not."_ She said sternly _"I may not always look like it Issei-kun, but I've always believed, in one way or another. When I would wake up and look at my cute little boy, who would stand in University theaters and go to advanced science expositions, who would be personally invited by Prime Ministers and Presidents alike – I knew, a part of me knew, that you were a precious gift to me Issei-kun. A gift, from something beyond anything I could ever begin to imagine. So, I have always believed Issei-kun."_

Issei rubbed his cheek, not trusting himself to do anything else.

" _In any case – oh, your father says that if you find an angel, you should take a picture for him… in a swimsuit? Wait… Nomura-dear, would you kindly like to tell me what you want a picture of an angel in a swimsuit for? Isn't your lovely beautiful wife enough, hmmmm?"_

Issei merely chuckled.

" _And you young man, whether or not there is a god or not, you better get that posterior of your into high gear and find Irina-chan. She's part of the church isn't she? She might even shed some more light on the matter, and you'll actually listen to her without thinking she's crazy! It's just perfect!"_

He strangely agreed. Irina was with the Church, and apparently, not 'with the church' in the manner he had assumed, as some form of cleric or nun, who had pointlessly wasted their entire lives in an empty dedication to a nonexistent entity.

She might even be an exorcist, in which it would provide him with the perfect chance to meet with a 'devil' or 'demon' and capture them. He could already feel his mouth begin to salivate at the prospect of being the first man to conduct scientific research on otherworldly creatures.

"Fine, fine, I'll find her."

" _Good! And the next time I call, there better be the voice of a nice young lady on the other end for me to listen to!_ "

The phone call disconnected, leaving Issei musing alone to himself in his seat at the restaurant.

"So… time to hunt down my old childhood friend. I wonder how life has been treating her so far? Well, she _did_ look good – quite grown and developed… uh, Kiki, I need you to run that video recording of Irina again."

"… _Issei-sama, you're not planning on masturbating to her again are you?_ "

"What? That's preposterous! To even begin to assume that I would debase myself to such a pitiful level in which I would sexually stimulate myself to images of my childhood cru – er… friend – Kiki, I expected more from you!"

" _That's great and all to hear Issei-sama… but if you're not planning on doing what I think, why are we heading towards the restroom?"_

"… just bring up the damn video Kiki."

* * *

It was surprisingly easy for people to forget that great men, no matter how fanciful, or how grandiose their names had become, or how magnificent their legends had twisted throughout time –

Were still men.

Be it Adam, or be it Gandhi, be it Queen Esther, or be it Mother Theresa – all of them, were human. They had possessed their flaws, their insecurities, their vices, their little thoughts of doubt, their moments of pain, their moments of triumph – all of them, were inherently flawed.

Hyoudou Issei had no delusions to even believe for even a second that he would be any different, that he would be someone who would use his intellect to advance beyond those tiny flaws and therefore become an inherently perfect individual.

Or at least, that was what he told himself while he whacked off to Irina's sexy ass anyway.

There were also other ways he could justify himself, if anyone ever felt the need to consider his actions as somewhat deplorable. All he would open his mouth and say, would be the two words:

King Solomon.

King Solomon, famed and recognized for being one of the wisest men to ever walk the earth – was the man who's greatest sin had been his extremely grandiose lust, and he had been a pervert like no other. King Solomon, the wisest man in the world, was also known in order circles, as the "Original Harem King."

Truly, what did it say, that the man who had been blessed with supernatural wisdom beyond that conceivable by any other mortal man, had decided to amass a harem of at least three hundred wives, and seven hundred concubines?

This was, arguably, the _wisest_ man in history, and his flaw, his greatest and most incorruptible vice, was the fact that he had loved women and sex far, _far_ too much.

Was it to be interpreted that Solomon had been wise enough to understand the true beauty and nature behind the feminine form, to understand the fleeting transiency of human life, and had dedicated himself to filling his every moment with beautiful mounds of breasts, of naked bodies and of pleasurable intercourse?

Or was it to be viewed, that the wisest and most powerful of men, were mere unwitting slaves to the form and pleasure that was derived from being with their counterparts; that women possessed this inherent desire to enchant, fulfill and complete them?

The wisest man in the world, would go against _God_ , all for a woman –

If that did not drive home the point that the feminine form was a thing to be feared, revered and sought after –

Nothing would.

"… _Nothing you say will justify the fact that you just masturbated in a KFC bathroom Issei-sama."_

Hyoudou Issei walked outside of the restaurant and coughed into his hand.

"Initiate Code Eros Zeta."

" _Issei-sama you wouldn't – !"_

"Activate Memory Cleanse: Time frame, thirty minutes. Initiate full system Re-boot on completion."

There was a pause.

" _Ah – Issei-sama? When did you finish eating your meal? And, when did we get outside?_ "

"That was ages ago Kiki – keep up. I might need to upgrade your Random Access Memory to Eight Exabytes when next I have the chance – it seems you're running slowly on just one."

" _Mou, that's mean Issei-sama! I have the fastest operating system in the world!"_

"Well, let's test that theory shall we? Irina Shidou – find her."

" _Hai! Leave it to me Issei-sama, I'll find her in no –"_

It was rare that Issei felt any form of concern for his AI, and even though he knew that there was nothing that would and could truly harm her, considering he had numerous amounts of back-ups of her central program, he couldn't help but feel slightly concerned at the sharp static noise that had immediately radiated from his mobile device.

"Kiki?"

Truth be told, his biggest concern with Kiki would be that she would completely take over the internet, and lead to some form of doomsday-level scenario with her powers, though he did have a long list of contingencies to prevent that from happening, it was a scenario that would be extremely annoying to deal with.

One would argue as to why he didn't just give his AI a perverted personality, and the truth was that he _had_.

However, when Kiki started using her abilities to hack into private phones of celebrities, or record people whilst they were naked and show him the videos for his amusement – he had no choice but to deactivate that particular personality program.

He hadn't deactivated it because he was a decent or honorable person, nor had he done it because he felt he was invading on their privacy, oh no, he couldn't care less about the moral etiquette.

He had disabled it solely because what he saw, it was… _too much_.

Till today, Issei had not quite forgotten, the day when Kiki had hacked into the personal computer of a hot teenage girl, and then spurned him with the idea of beating it off to her. He had been hesitant at first, but then grew excited as he watched her undress from the view of her webcam, only to freeze as his eyes came upon large, horrifying scars that littered her back and legs.

There was no explaining how utterly… _filthy_ he felt when he discovered that she was a victim of domestic assault.

His attempts at cleansing his conscience had included eventually anonymously reporting the case, and providing supporting evidence. Still, no matter how he had ultimately saved that girl's life, saved her from her trauma, and no matter how he argued that if it were not for him, she would have continued to suffer –

It didn't quite make him feel any less like _filth_.

That was when he had noticed the pattern.

Tough, impeccable girls who acted like hard-asses, were struggling deeply to maintain a façade, and cute, innocent girls who you believed couldn't hurt a fly, where the types that would dress up in leather and were virulent nymphomaniacs.

The kind smiling police man was actually a hidden serial killer, and the angry looking biker with the dragon tattoo was in fact a big softie who slept with a teddy bear and night light.

People – the _true_ nature of people – it revealed themselves when they believed they were alone, when they thought that there was no one watching them.

Issei had seen it, and come to one sharp realization.

 _It was ugly_.

Broken messes, secret incestuous relationships, marital assaults, domestic abuse problems, hidden drug problems and addictions, sickening fetishes –

Issei truly did not want to see any of it.

Not ever again.

So, he stuck to cat videos.

And hentai.

Tons, and tons of hentai.

Strictly for research purposes of course.

The fact that he needed to watch copious amounts of hentai to write a thesis on the evolution of art style in the Japanase Adult Animation history was just a silent bonus.

Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone, or out loud for that matter.

" _Ah, sorry Issei-sama – something seems to be jamming my search_."

His mind was drawn from his reminiscing slowly, as he blinked. Then, Kiki's words registered in his mind, and he stared in disbelief.

"I designed you to have access to every single satellite in orbit, and if you wanted to, you could cause them to short-circuit and rain down to the earth like meteors in the apocalypse. You can instantly crash the stock market, and completely negate the currency of every country in the world at the push of a button. You can hijack cars and airplanes, and even gain the nuclear launch codes to the world powers and cause World War III in a matter of minutes – so tell me, what in the world could _possibly_ be jamming your signal?!"

When he had told his mother that Kiki had pseudo-godlike control over all forms of technology, he had _not_ been exaggerating.

Not in the slightest.

" _It's interference – like an electromagnetic pulse, but being distributed at subtle frequencies not unlike radio waves – ah, Issei-sama, the source – it's getting closer!_ "

Issei rose an eyebrow.

"How close?"

" _It's four – three – two –"_

His phone fell out of his hand, crashing into the ground and immediately scattering into a mess of parts, just as he felt someone bump into him.

"Ah! I'm so sorry!"

Issei's eyes flickered from his crashed phone, which was his major means of communication with Kiki, as well as his only means of finding Irina, and then turned his gaze instead to the young girl in front of him.

His mind had already began whirling a thousand miles a minute. Blonde hair, blue eyes, one-hundred and fifty centimeters (four feet eleven inches), dressed in unusual garb that made her look as though she was just coming from a Harry Potter convention. Her voice was soft, her manner of speaking elegant, her posture however, was shaky, uncertain – her mind was clearly preoccupied with something, which was also the reason she had failed to take note of where she was going.

Still, rather than mentioning any of these things, Issei gave her a bland look.

"I thought it was Dorothy that got lost, not the Witch."

Her form immediately went rigid.

"E-excuse me?"

"I'm not an expert on fashion, but I think the large blue witch's hat, the robes, and the cape easily classifies you as a witch. Then there is the rather _wonderful_ coincidence that you happened to stumble across me just when Kiki felt something jamming her systems – and whilst I question my sanity at the prospect of believing that witches are real, I'm about to suspend my disbelief and just assume that you are in fact, a witch."

The young blonde girl opened her mouth, and then closed it, and then opened it again.

Issei to his part, unabashedly, grabbed the girl's cape, taking it up to his nose and taking a quick whiff.

"W-w-what are you –"

He then carried the girl's hat, taking another whiff of it, before biting softly at the edges, causing the girl in question to turn flustered.

"W-what are –"

He made to reach for her robes, and she leapt back, face slightly red.

"W-what a-are y-you doing?!"

"You smell and taste normal for a witch. No, you taste more like a teenage girl than a witch. Perfumes, sanitizers, numerous amounts of cooking spices, detergent – and nothing out of the ordinary. No smell of cauldrons or pots, or any form of brews – no remnants of any materials that my taste buds are unable to identify."

"Y-you were _tasting me_?"

"Hmm? Oh yes. I needed to confirm if there was anything off – or perhaps I made a wrong logical leap and you are just an ordinary girl in a witches outfit? Unlikely considering that your name is Le Fay Pendragon –"

The girl's eyes immediately widened, and she took a step back, her body language immediately becoming hostile and worried. "How did you –"

"You stitched your name into the bottom part of your hat – I ran my tongue across the letters when I bit into it earlier." He said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, before sighing and rubbing his temples.

"Considering how you reacted when I mentioned your name, I assume you really are a witch? But Le Fay Pendragon? Really? Jesus-fucking-Christ, if it weren't for me being consciously aware that I did not ingest any hallucinogenic drugs, I'd believe I was high right now."

He then blinked and stared at her.

"Considering how you look too damn cute to be real, I'm beginning to suspect that might actually be the case."

The girl's face immediately turned red.

"C-C-Cu –"

Issei palmed his face. "For heaven's sakes, you have a face and body that would easily put A-List actresses to shame. Why in the world are you stuttering when someone calls you cute? You should have heard that at least a million times over by now."

"W-well, I haven't really -"

"How could you not have –?"

Issei's mind came to a slow stop.

Le Fay Pendragon.

The House of Pendragon.

Pendragon as in, the last name of the legendary King Arthur, and the House of Pendragon as in, his direct heirs and/or relatives. The same Pendragons that were said to be under the protection of the Golden Dawn.

"Protection" however, was a rather questionable term. What were they being protected from? Enemies of Arthur? Descendants of enemies of Arthur? And this protection, at what cost was it delivered?

Ah, he could tell immediately.

In Hyoudou Issei's vision, words lit up as his eyes dashed back and forth all over the girl's form.

Home-schooled. Sheltered. Happy. Enthusiastic. Polite. Optimistic. Kind. Generous. Caring.

Prone to Attachment.

Innocent.

 _Naïve_.

Issei waved off the words from his vision, scowling as the last one stood, bright, and most clear amongst others.

"Um –"

"Shush. I'm trying to ignore the compulsion to open your pretty sheltered eyes to the harsh realities of the world before you go out there and get your heart broken, or worse, get yourself killed. Don't say anything, just stand there and scowl."

She blinked at him, staring strangely.

"I said scowl. You're not scowling."

"No one's ever told me that before."

Issei rolled his eyes. "Of course they haven't. Most people are afraid to speak their mind for fear of being ostracized, mocked or ridiculed."

"And… you're not?"

"I'm not what?"

"Afraid? Of being… ostracized, or mocked?"

"No." he said plainly. "When I was younger, maybe, but I made a promise to my mother. I would never lie. I would be true, about my thoughts, about myself. I would express myself as honestly as I could – and whether people accepted it or not, it was their business."

The girl, curious, stared at him.

"So… you don't lie?"

"I don't lie."

"Never?"

"Not when it matters." He admitted. "I can joke around and divert the truth once in a while, but I don't explicitly lie."

There was a strange, lofty silence that held for a few more seconds.

"Oh, by the way, I may need to take you to a lab and conduct a series of invasive experiments on you to discover if you really do have reality warping abilities that you call 'magic'."

Then, that strange lofty silence immediately veered off into a silent uncomfortable one.

"…what?"


	3. First Revision

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD. If I did however own it, I have to wonder if I'd actually tell anyone.**

* * *

Witches.

"No – you – you can't –"

Hyoudou Issei's mind ran a thousand and one lightyears a nanosecond, as he donned a pair of white gloves and twirled a pen in his hand.

"This – you – you won't get away with –"

Immediately compiling and compounding any form of information he had accrued over his sixteen years of life about that single word. A woman thought to have magic powers, especially evil ones, popularly depicted as wearing a black cloak and pointed hat and flying on a broomstick.

Synonymous with sorceress or enchantress. Derived from Old English, Wicca.

Condemned by Christianity and Islam. Viewed as heresy and apostasy.

"No – I can't – anymore –"

Somehow, Issei was finding it impossible to relate the fearful concept of a being with alleged mythical powers, and the laughing, squealing girl in front of him.

"Tickle-Bot, return."

All at once, a miniature lupine-shaped object leapt out of the top portion of the young girl's shirt, before immediately morphing into a sleek silver wristwatch that slapped itself unto his right wrist.

Immediately, the young woman who had finally been given some reprieve, turned to give him the harshest glare she could muster, though, because of how slightly out of breath she was, and her general composure, the glare looked more endearing than it did look threatening.

"I believe an African proverb once said: the frown on the face of a goat does not stop it from being taken to the market." Issei said dryly, before rubbing his chin "Curious people they are, Africans – hundreds and thousands of tribes and the most convoluted ways of making points. Like Rafiki for instance. I swear, so much would have gone easier if someone had taught that damn monkey not to speak in parables."

Le Fay merely pouted some more. "You kidnapped me –"

"No, I didn't. Technically, the definition of kidnap is to steal carry off or abduct by force or fraud, usually for the use as a hostage or ransom." He said plainly "I did none of those things, and you followed me here, into this lab, on your own two feet, without any form of coercion whatsoever."

Her cheeks puffed. "T-that's because you put that tickling spell on me – I didn't know how to get it off and had to follow you!"

Issei merely gestured his hands to the side. "Spell? What spell? I have no idea as to whatever you mean. Besides, shouldn't I be the one worried about my maniacal blond stalker who kept laughing as she followed me everywhere I went?"

Le Fay's face immediately went red. "That's not –"

Issei waved his hand, "All of that is old news, besides, I'm not one to keep a grudge. I don't mind if you're a little yandere, just as long as you don't go overboard with it."

Le Fay gaped. "But I'm not –"

" _Anyway_ , let's get back to business shall we? I'm sure you would not have taken such lengths to sign up as my subject in this experiment all for nothing."

"B-but I didn't –"

"Negativity isn't welcome when I'm in the lab kouhai. 'I can, I will, and I shall' are now your three favorite phrases from now on. Now repeat after me –"

Whatever Issei could have said next was rapidly interrupted by a strong gust of wind which seemed to originate from nowhere. No, it _did_ originate from nowhere. They were inside a university laboratory, with all the windows shut and with decent air-conditioning, yet, there was no explaining the strange gust which had sent his hair flying backwards and his eyes wide.

Or rather, there was no explaining the fact that the focal point of the gust had come from the young girl directly in front of him.

She had a slightly more serious appearance, and her arm was extended out, revealing a walking stick – no, a staff, as her entire posture seemed to have shifted and changed.

One of Issei's eyebrows tilted slightly to the top.

"I-I am sorry, but I c-cannot humor you any longer! My name is Le Fay Pendragon, and though I understand that you seem to be a nice person, I can… not… continue… to…"

She found herself trailing off once she noticed the immediate spark in the boy's eyes. They were shining, quite prominently, as his hands had become an ungodly blur and he began furiously writing on a jotter.

"Casual manipulation of wind pressure and humidity – no possible explanation derived. Subject does not possess any hidden devices on her person capable of conjuring bursts of wind suitable to flip numerous pages of hardback textbooks."

She blinked. "Huh?"

Immediately, he stopped writing, and in a flash, Le Fay stared as her staff was immediately in his hands.

"Wooden walking device - no hidden equipment, gears or levers, no secret compartments, no installed fans no – _nothing_."

He immediately turned to her, his eyes staring seriously, and Le Fay noted, with some bit of curiosity, that he was staring at her with seriousness in his gaze for the first time she had met the weird, enigmatic stranger.

"How did you do that? How did you create that gust of wind?"

She blinked, staring at the intense curiosity in the boy's eyes, before she allowed herself a small giggle and smile.

"Magic."

Le Fay Pendragon had admittedly heard a lot of things that people would say when they were faced with the surprising, often unbelievable fact that magic existed, and it ranged from outright shock, to complete surprise and disbelief, to incoherent religious ramblings and crazy panic attacks.

"I think I need to make a phone call."

She had never quite heard _that_ , before.

* * *

" _You WHAT?!_ "

"I found a witch. Well, technically I subdued her with my tickle-bot and made her follow me to a lab where I was going to begin conducting experiments –"

" _YOU WHAT?!_ "

Issei grimaced, removing his phone from his ear, before putting his finger into it to make sure it wasn't bleeding. The last thing he needed was for a police officer to stop by and wonder why he was in a blood-stained phone booth.

" _Young man, what was our agreement on conducting experiments on people?_ "

Issei sighed. "They have to be willing participants, death row inmates or the scum of society who have no other redeeming qualities but to be butchered for the scientific advancement of their race."

" _And does this girl fall into any of those categories? Hm? Does she?"_

Issei sighed once more. "No Ka-chan."

" _So would you mind telling me why exactly you wanted to break our agreement? Hm?"_

Issei rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Article Four, Clause Three, Section Six, Subsection Twelve of the Hyoudou Matriarch Accord."

There was a brief pause.

"… _In the case of conducting studies and experiments on potential lifeforms of origins which are questionable and not humanoid – what? Issei-kun, this is the exception you made in case you ever encountered aliens!"_

"Precisely!"

" _She's not an alien!_ "

"I don't know what she is!"

" _You said she was a witch!"_

"Um… I'm right here?"

"I'm talking to my mother here woman, Jesus, show some respect."

" _What?! Jesus is there with you too?!"_

Issei palmed his face.

" _First you make Harry Potter a terrorist, and now you're teaching Jesus about respect?! YOU HAD ONE JOB ISSEI!"_

Issei rubbed his nose. "Ka-chan, I'm not with Jesus."

" _You're not?_ "

"I'm with King Arthur's great-great-grand-daughter."

" _HOW'S THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!"_

"It's completely different! They're not the same people – well, at least I _think_ they're not the same –"

He paused, turning to Le Fay.

"You're not Jesus are you?"

There was a long moment of silence, in which Le Fay could only stare at the ludicrousness of the question.

"I-I don't think so?"

" _Well?"_

"She says she's not sure if she's Jesus or not."

" _JESUS IS A WOMAN?!"_

Issei groaned.

"Wait, did she say you made Harry Potter a terrorist?"

He immediately palmed his face.

This was going to take a while.

* * *

Hyoudou Issei grumbled as he rubbed the slightly red palm imprints, staring at the smiling that was now sitting beside him, in a restaurant, sporting a proud and large 'M' in front of it.

"For such a small girl, you have a pretty mean right hand."

She stared at him, smiling, looking prim and proper throughout, though Issei was reminded painfully by the small red palm print on his face that the girl could be vindictive when need be. "That's for defaming Harry Potter."

He gave her a stare. "What, is he someone you know personally?"

"And…" she continued, as though she had not heard him speak at all "...it was also for making you follow me halfway across London, a laughing mess."

Issei managed his lips to twitch. "You blew my expectations out of the water."

Le Fay blinked. "What?"

Issei tapped his watch, and the girl was on guard, prepared for another horrific torture of laughter, but, she was only surprised when instead of the abominable robotic bunny of chuckling death, she was met by a regular timer.

"Seven hours, forty-eight minutes, fifty-three seconds." He stated, plainly. "That's how long it took you to vent out your frustration and finally hit me. It blew my expectations out of the water, because I had estimated at least twelve hours or more. Of course, I suppose I have 'Harry Potter' to thank for that."

Le Fay stared. "You – you were timing me?"

"Of course." Issei said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?"

"Call it a test if you will – either of your patience, of the limits of your kindness, and to see whether that kindness overreached into timidity – timidity of the incredibly destructive variety." Issei said, before shrugging.

Le Fay merely stared at him, her left eyebrow raising slightly in confusion.

Issei groaned, before elaborating. "Let's be honest, you just spent the better part of seven hours following around a total stranger, who honestly could have done anything to you from drugging you to knocking you unconscious – if you didn't have _some_ level of disagreeableness and spine, I would have questioned how you had not already been impregnated by some moron whispering sweet nothings into your ear."

Her face immediately went beet red. "I – I –"

"Oh _come_ on! It's just the blatant truth! I believe this part of the world has rather noticeable rates of teen pregnancies, and knowing – wait – please tell me you know what the birds and the bees are? No _one_ can be _that_ sheltered!"

She pouted, her face going redder. "That's mean Hyoudou-sensei! I-I- k-know what they are!"

Issei let out a brief sigh. "Good, that saves me the trouble of having to –"

Issei stopped abruptly.

"How did you know I was a doctor?"

Le Fay blinked. "Huh?"

"You just called me Hyoudou- _sensei_."

Silence.

"How did you know my _name_?"

"Um, I must have heard your mother, on the phone –"

Issei's eyes narrowed. "My mother _never_ calls me that. Why would your own mother call you by your surname or title? No – I never mentioned my surname to you – I never even said it in passing –"

Le Fay was smiling, she was smiling in that nice, sweet way that was expected of an innocent girl of her demeanor. That was expected of a young, sheltered, innocent woman without an evil bone in her body. She was smiling quite exactly in the manner of the cute, reserved, potential-love interest of an anime male lead.

Except, human beings were not that one-dimensional, nor where they perfect.

By the time Issei realized this, he found himself frozen to his seat, as Le Fay Pendragon let out a long sigh and moved closer to him. All at once, he realized, that he _literally_ could not move, and at the exact same time, all five of his senses were drawn to the form of the girl that sat beside him. His eyes could not stop themselves from staring at her developing mounds and fantasizing about her creamy thighs. His ears could not help the concurrent rhythm that was the girl's heart. His nose could not help but take in her aroma of perfumes and condiments. His throat and lips could not help but be dry at the thought of claiming her suckle jaw as his.

She immediately stretched over towards him and smiled.

"You really shouldn't ask too much questions Hyoudou-sensei."

Issei's mind was whirling, his heartbeat was pacing, and he was trying to do whatever he could to stop himself from thinking – because all he could think of, was the woman in front of him, and that was very, _very_ bad.

"This – this doesn't make any sense – this doesn't fit your character archetype –"

She laughed, genuine laughter, he noted. "My what?"

"Your character archetype – blond. Cute. Dedicated to service. Diligent. Innocent. Nai –"

All at once it clicked. The word, that one word, when it had come to the forefront of his vision, when he had seen it, blinking brilliantly more than anything else – It wasn't because the girl in front of him was naïve.

She was _too_ naïve.

Naïve to a degree that was _impossible_.

A degree, in which she would have died the instance she made contact with society.

"Oh, do continue Hyoudou-sensei. Perhaps you believed me easy to read when we first met?"

Of course she had been easy to read, for heaven's sakes she had been wearing –

His mind came to a stop once more.

"Why would a witch be wearing clothes that would easily make her stand out in Modern London? Clothes that _clearly_ identify her as a witch, even when she's supposed to be hiding that fact? Why would she even go to the lengths of embroidering her full name under a witch's hat, whereas the initials would be just as sufficient?"

Le Fay smiled. "Why indeed?"

Issei found it incredibly rare to find himself so rather flatfooted.

"And of course – you just _happened_ to bump into me in a manner that destroys my cell phone – my central hub for Kiki –"

Le Fay was _still_ smiling, except, curiously, it wasn't malevolent, nor was it scheming nor manipulative. It was not the smile of the cat that had caught the canary, nor was it one of condescending smugness.

It was the pure, innocent smile of a young teenage girl.

And that was what _amazed_ him the most.

"What is my _name_ Hyoudou-sensei?"

"Le Fay Pendragon."

"The last part, can you say it again?"

"Pendragon."

"Just once more, pretty please?"

"I don't see what your point is –"

"Three syllables sensei." She said, "Three syllables. I believe you should have dabbled in onomastics, the study of names? Tell me then, what would the historical, anthropological, psychological and sociological consequences of being named _'Le Fay Pendragon_ '?"

All at once, he realized his grave miscalculation. He could think of numerous implications of harboring that name, and most particularly, one stood in his mind most prominently.

"I am a _direct_ descendant of _King Arthur_ – the One True King of England. By that merit, myself and my brother have direct ties to the throne. _Direct_ , ties."

And she had to say this with her chest squishing against his arm? Focus, Hyoudou – Focus –

"But yet, we're in hiding. Being "protected" by the Golden Dawn as though we have something to fear from the outside world. Tell me, wouldn't you think that people in line to one of the oldest Monarchial systems in the world should be treated a little more like, _royalty?_ Is it so much of a far-fetched idea?"

She let out a sigh. "Of course, we're not. England's Queen is little more than a figure-head and the monarchial system has been all but abandoned. Then of course, there is the fact that revealing our status to the world would cause chaos as researchers and scholars like you – " she bopped him on the nose "– would be left in shock at discovering that King Arthur really did exist. The discovery would reshape everything they believed and thought to be myth – and of course, it would reveal the supernatural factions to the world, causing problems for _everyone_."

She glowered. "And so, we live our lives like hermits. Watched like lab rats. Forgotten like used tissues."

Truth be told, Issei had only focused on one part of that entire thing.

"You – you know who I am?"

At this point, she laughed once more, and what made it more and more bone-chilling was the complete and utter sincerity of the laughter.

"The real question you should be asking Hyoudou-sensei, is _who doesn't know who you are?_ "

Oh snap.

"Hyoudou Issei. Once-in-a-Millennia Child Prodigy. Schooled everywhere from Harvard, to Yale, to MIT. Guinness Book of World Record Holder for the youngest person in history to accrue twelve PhDs and Thirty-Seven MDs. Founder and CEO of Honest Technologies and Laboratories. Creator of the Open Children Foundation. Lead Archeologist in the discovery of the ruins of El Dorado. Philanthropist, Billionaire, Inventor and Scientist."

She smiled, taking a cup of coffee to her lips, sipping it, and giving him a wry look.

"Am I missing anything?"

Issei grinned. "You forgot to mention my penchant for harem anime, and my love of classical literature."

She giggled. "Cute."

Issei, despite himself, managed to smirk. "You know, I'm somewhat impressed. Here I thought you were an empty-headed, overly-kind blonde girl who'd cling to me like a lost puppy or gain some sort of romantic inclination for me because I called her pretty and act kindly to her a few dozen times."

Le Fay let out an amused smile. "What type of girl would fall in love with a boy simply because he shows her kindness?"

"Girls of the abused variety."

Le Fay blinked.

"That's not nice sensei."

"'Nice' is for people who are bothered that their unfiltered opinions will garner them social rejection, and as such filter their words as necessary to avoid negative social backlash."

"Ah, but not you – surely you don't care about any negative social backlash? Because – as you said – you don't lie."

"That's right. I don't."

"So then," Le Fay smiled, "Tell me – what do you think of me so far? Of this encounter?"

Issei hummed to himself.

"You smile a lot."

Le Fay couldn't help the smile that came to her face at that, confirming the boy's words as fact.

Still, Issei's eyes roamed over the girl's form, once more, this time around, he did so _very_ carefully, and strangely enough, he wasn't doing so in the perverted manner.

Words snapped up, from one to the next, and his eyes picked them up, sharply, allowing no reprieve from one to the next.

"You know," he said, out of the blue "Most people are unable to grasp that someone can be kind and yet, at the same time be clever. It's quite interesting isn't it? Kindness is naturally associated with meekness and docility, and it's difficult to imagine a quote-unquote 'kind' person being ambitious, or cunning or even intelligent. As though intelligence removes one's ability to feel empathy or compassion, and you need to be hopelessly optimistic or helplessly naïve to maintain a positive, generous outlook in life."

Le Fay Pendragon managed to stare at him in surprise.

"Um – thank you, I suppose? Though, where's this coming from?"

"Oh, don't mind me, I'm just making random observations because I'm stalling for time to allow the wristwatch I placed on the table turn back into my tickle bot and attack you."

Silence.

"Huh?"

"TICKLE BOT! NO MERCY!"

" _TICKLE COMMENCING!_ "

No sooner had the object left its initial point, had Issei regained his ability to move. As indicated, the tiny tickle bunny of death slipped under Le Fay's robes once more, and the young girl was unable to stop herself from bursting into a mad, incoherent mesh of laughter.

Issei wasted no time as he leapt from his position, and dashed out of the restaurant as quickly as his two legs were capable of carrying him. He bumped into one of the McDonald's employees on purpose, pilfering the man of his iPhone in a quick slip of his hands, before turning down the road and _tearing_ away from the restaurant like as though the hounds of hell were on his feet.

" _Hello – this is Siri – how can I help you to – "_

"I don't have time to chat with you, you laughable excuse for a pale imitation of an Artificial Intelligence Program." Issei said, without missing a beat, his eyes still flicking backwards just in case.

His fingers blurred through the device, bypassing root folders and accessing the internet in seconds.

"Download Kinetic Improvisation Knowledge Interface."

" _Password required to install program K.I.K.I_."

"Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici."

 _By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the Universe._

" _Password Accepted. Installation Complete."_

There was a brief pause.

" _Issei-sama? What's going on, why are we –_ "

The heavy echo of soft, feminine laughter reached his ears, and Issei swore as he turned his attention behind him, where, without a shadow of a doubt, the laughing form of Le Fay Pendragon seemed to be in hot pursuit.

"I may or may not have made the stupid mistake of underestimating a witch born from the union of King Arthur- _bloody_ -Pendragon, and Morgana- _bloody_ -Le Fay."

" _Underestimating?_ "

"I had assumed she was a Class-D Female Anime Protagonist."

" _The ones with little to no history, personality, or memorable traits?_ "

"Exactly."

"Hahahahaha – Come – hahaha, oh heavens, my ribs – back here!"

Issei could only blink as he found himself being suspended in place by another indescribable force, one, which he would have likened to the effects of a telekinetic hold. He tsked under his breath, his mind slowing to a crawl.

She wouldn't risk using showier or more fanciful demonstrations of 'magic', despite it being late evening, they were still on the streets, still within the range of cameras and people, and as such, it meant that he could and would escape if he played his cards right and evaded whatever technique she used to halt his movements.

There had to be a range of limitation, otherwise she would be a goddess with the ability to freeze the movements of everyone, everywhere in the world. This of course worked with the assumption that this 'magic' of hers operated on a form of logic, though, as far as he was aware, that was a contradiction of epic proportions.

" _I must ask why we are fleeing away from her Issei-sama? My initial scans of body language and brain wave patterns indicate that she bears no ill will or malicious intent towards you."_

Issei grit his teeth as he tried to move. "That makes it even worse! It would have been preferable if she was trying to kill me, or maybe even kidnap me – but she's not, and she went through the trouble of researching me, which means she's trying to _recruit_ me as her ally."

" _Recruit you for what?_ "

"Something certainly dangerous, potentially and most probably illegal, and something that will put me in the crosshairs of this 'supernatural' world, which _I do not want to happen!_ "

He still couldn't move, much to his chagrin, even as the laughing girl got closer and closer, causing him to bite the inside of his cheek as thought after thought escaped his mind.

If only he had some of his gadgets with him, but _no_ – he had to listen to the advice of his mother and _not_ take them along.

"Damn it Ka-chan, listening to motherly advice is supposed to _save_ your life, not put it in peril!"

Thankfully, there was always a savior in the form of Kiki. The revving sound of a car echoed loudly down the street as a sleek black BMW raced down the road, and in seconds, without even bothering or attempting to slow down, the car swooped in, driver seat door open, but no one in the vehicle, as it pulled up directly beside him and bumped into him, allowing his immobile form to crash into the car.

The door was slammed shut once the sole passenger was confirmed, and it immediately zoomed off with a powerful roar of the engine, leaving Issei sighing in utmost relief as his eyes hit the rear-view mirror, and watched the blond haired form of a laughing witch become smaller and smaller until it went completely out of sight.

He regained his ability to move once more, and he immediately adjusted himself into a proper sitting position as he took a deep sigh.

"Thanks Kiki, I owe you one."

The self-driving car, now being remotely controlled and piloted by Kiki, merely gave a hum, which echoed from the vehicle's radio speakers.

" _Forgive me for asking Issei-sama, but, if you were not interested in whatever she wished to offer you, would it not have been better to merely listen to the offer, and then refuse it?_ "

"No."

" _No?_ "

"N. O." he said, rubbing his knees which had been slightly hurt by the surprise boarding into the vehicle.

"A refusal of an offer adds a sense of definiteness to a matter, which is just as bad as accepting. Saying no would either cause her to go for a more desperate tactic, or force whoever she's allied with to become curious as to the reason of my refusal. Instead, if I never hear the proposal to begin with, the result is uncertainty which will fade away in time, as long as I make myself scarce."

" _Are you positive Issei-sama?"_

Issei took in a deep breath and sighed. "Think of it as a will-they-or-won't-they situation. Romantic circumstances in harem comedies are interesting and tense because you don't know if the people involved will ever get together or not. The minute they make their choice, the intrigue is lost due to the concrete definiteness. Humans, despite what they may think, are more invested in the uncertain than they are in the definite."

" _But Issei-sama, if that's the case, wouldn't she be more interested in finding you instead?_ "

"Which is _precisely_ why I'm making myself scarce Kiki. The uncertainty and intrigue will hit a point of diminishing return sooner or later, just like watching a bumbling harem protagonist agonize for over a hundred chapters about whether or not the girls he likes also likes him back, even though everyone around them can _clearly_ see it. After a point, you toss your hands in the air and scream 'fuck it'."

There was what sounded like a pout coming from the speakers.

" _You really love referencing harem anime Issei-sama._ "

Issei's left eye twitched. "Kiki, when I was three, my goal in life was to become a Harem King. Tell me, what kind of idiot would I have been to _not_ research the complexities of harems and to _not_ watch as much fictional material centered on a theme that was my life's goal?"

He shook his head. "That's like saying that my dream is to become the greatest soccer – oh wait, we're in England – _football_ , player in the world, and yet I never watch a single match. Come on, _no one_ can be that stupid!"

In an alternate universe, a brown haired boy entered a series of sneezing fits.

"… _as long as you don't start thinking you're a harem protagonist Issei-sama._ "

Issei's looked appalled. "Heavens no. Being a harem protagonist is unadulterated torture. Either you're illogically clumsy, aggravatingly indecisive or serially abused. Most times, you're all _three_."

The vehicle made a sudden, harsh stop at a red light that nearly caused Issei to smash his face into the glass, and served as a reminder as to why seatbelts where invented.

" _But, that can't be completely true Issei-sama. I think some of them are kind, compassionate and generous –"_

"Towards _females_. Members of their own sex are either their mentors, rivals, enemies or competitors but never allies or friends, and as such, eliminates the need to show generosity or compassion towards them."

" _Okay… but there are others that are fierce, loyal and strong –"_

"Blatant tokens to numb the ache of their already irredeemable personalities."

" _Oh but there are some of them that aren't indecisive, but are capable, confident and –_ "

"– and are empty facsimiles whose hyper-competence and absence of flaws makes them the furthest thing from human."

There was a moment of silence in which only the soft humming of the engine could be heard.

" _You_ really _hate harem protagonists don't you Issei-sama?_ "

"Oh you have _no_ idea."

* * *

 **Elsewhere**

Le Fay Pendragon pouted as she finally arrived at the Stonehenge. Sighing to herself, she tapped her staff unto one of the large slabs of rock, making three soft taps before, to the ordinary eye, she phased through the stone and vanished.

She then appeared in the middle of a large room, tugging away at her cloak and removing her hat as her gaze then turned to someone else who was in the room, someone with similar blond hair, but of a darker variety, wearing a pair of glasses and staring at a book.

He sat on a large chair easily reminiscent of a throne, and he snapped his book shut upon noticing the arrival of the woman.

"Well?"

She sighed. "I'm sorry Ni-sama. I had the Red Dragon Emperor in my hands… but I think my approach may have scared him off."

The man nodded slowly, his eyes closing in brief contemplation.

"Did you tell him about the existence of his Sacred Gear?"

She shook her head. "I didn't mention anything about it, not until I'm certain of his allegiance."

He nodded. The young man swayed immediately to his feet, his gait poised and royal, his form elegant and regal, as though the very floor on which he walked on recognized the superiority of his blood and the right of his claim.

"Very well. Leave him be for now and continue with the plan until a more suitable opportunity arrives. Regardless, I do not have much time to spend with you before Vali and Kuroka get suspicious. Here – keep these hidden."

He brought out two swords. Two shining, glistering, swords – except these were swords that were no _mere_ swords. Swords, that despite their limited power as it was, broken, they still possessed a strange, soft hum, as though the blades resonated with the duo in front of it.

"The Excalibur Fragments." Le Fay breathed.

He nodded. "Just a matter of time, sister. When Excalibur becomes one again– we will make our move, and we will take back what is rightfully ours."

Le Fay could only smile, and nod, as she stared at her brother, and as she stared at the proof that all of this was happening, and that this reality, the one in which she would help her brother accomplish his dream – that they, together, would once more rise and make the world _remember_ the name –

 _ **Arthur Pendragon.**_

"… by the way, I recently heard that Harry Potter is now a terrorist? I think we should look into recruiting him."


	4. Second Revision

**So, a review was sent to me via e-mail, and though it might have just been the person having a bad day, there was a comment as to how the quality of my writing seemed to be... diminishing. Then, there was a reference as to how this story was "mediocre".**

 **Not "mediocre" in general, but "mediocre" in comparison to everything else I have ever written and published on this site... to which I am not sure if that comparison is better or worse.**

 **Still, this guy lit a fire under my ass, because the one word I hate the most, is "mediocrity".**

 **The story, she shall prosper, but alas, the light-heartedness, she may suffer.**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD, because if I did, the main star of the series would be the blonde effeminate Dhampire that stops time.**

* * *

It was hard and painful.

When one heard those five words uttered, vast and lacking any context, a numerous amounts of interpretations could be derived from them. Some would attribute it to a description of a blunt object striking the epidermal layer and causing damage, others would cough awkwardly as they used it to describe listening to a young infant's horrific attempt at playing an instrument, or it could even be seen as a blushing maiden's way of describing her first experience.

To Hyoudou Issei however, it meant that he had found himself in situation that made him unable to swallow nor to stare at his own reflection in the mirror before seeing a word appear on his forehead, stamped, glowing, in all its Times New Roman glory:

 _Idiot_.

He turned on the faucet, enjoying a rush of hot water which he supposed was one of the few benefits of a deluxe five star hotel, and he scooped the water and splashed it over his face numerous times, running his hands down from his forehead to his chin, before he glanced up once more to the mirror to see if the word had changed.

It had.

 _Big Idiot._

Though, not necessarily for the better.

He sighed, taking in a deep, fulfilling breath of air, before closing his eyes.

Just like that, he was no longer in the extra-large spacious bathroom of the ludicrously extravagant hotel room he had booked. Instead, he stood once more on the vast open streets of London, his eyes watching, fixed, as the form of a blonde-haired girl approached _him,_ and he stared at the brief interactions that followed.

He tilted his fingers, and the scene rushed by as though someone had commanded time to fast-forward, and he followed, watching as the blonde girl chased after him, a laughing mess. He paid close attention to the details, to the locations, his eyes immediately glancing towards the police officers in their bright green vests, towards the white patrol cars, towards the other people on the street and road.

All of them had moved on, as though the laughing girl did not exist.

She bumped into someone, and the figure had looked startled, collapsing on the ground and looking left and right, yet his gaze had never once landed on the blonde haired girl.

Issei exhaled, emptying his breath as he once more stood in the bathroom, staring at the steam that slowly wafted off the hot water that was pouring on the faucet. He shook his head, leaving the bathroom as he entered into the spacious, air-conditioned master bedroom. The paid no heed to the paintings strung on the walls nor to the soft and lush rug that cushioned his bare feet as he walked, instead, he headed straight for his mobile phone placed on the king-sized bed.

"Kiki."

" _Yes Issei-sama?_ "

"I'm an idiot."

"… _._ "

"Really? Nothing to say? No words of encouragement or firm denials?"

" _I can't argue with the truth Issei-sama._ "

"Cheeky little – you know, I have half a mind to revert your character programming back to the willing-servant type."

" _You hated that character program._ "

He hummed. "True. Subservience is good and all once in a while, but too much of it is just… _grating_."

Issei sighed as he leapt back on the bed, closing his eyes. The compounding events of the day slowly played, from the very beginning, to the utmost end, with him booking a hotel room and deciding to call it a rest for now.

" _Why do you believe you're an idiot Issei-sama?_ "

"Hm?" Issei opened his eyes.

" _You're one of the smartest men in the world, if not_ the _smartest._ _If you're an idiot, what does that make everyone else?_ "

Issei shook his head. "You know, one of the things I told myself when I was little, was that I wouldn't become arrogant, or cocky, or overconfident or act like a know-it-all. I mean, every single depiction of 'geniuses' from movies to books to videogames has them as cocky, rude _assholes_ , and gives the excuse that because they're smart, they're allowed or _expected_ to be mean."

He rubbed his face.

"I mean, do you ever hear of any _nice_ geniuses? 'Hey, this guy has a noble prize in literature – and he also does some awesome party tricks!' No. Instead, we have the mean, blunt types that are fun to watch and see… but let's be honest, ordinary people wouldn't be capable of hanging around Sherlock Holmes without decking him in the face a couple of times."

His rubbing of the face became more aggravated.

"They all have the same ridiculous hubris – pride. Overconfidence. Cockiness. It's always the one thing capable of taking them down because _somehow_ , despite being smart, they're not smart enough to realize that being overconfident and cocky is very, _very_ dumb."

" _Ah – I see where you're going Issei-sama._ "

Issei chuckled. "So, despite knowing all this, despite telling myself I wouldn't be _that_ stupid… what _exactly_ did I do today? Oh yeah, I discovered that _God is real_ , in a matter of five minutes simply by having you peruse through government websites. I underestimated a _witch_ , and believed that I was the one in control whereas she was _humoring_ me the entire time."

" _To be fair Issei-sama, you couldn't have known about the supernatural existing_ –"

"I could!" he stressed "I could have discovered it any time! I have you Kiki, and you can hack into _anything!_ When I first created you, I should have had you hack all the systems of the governments of the world –"

" _Why would you do that?"_

"Why _wouldn't_ I do that?"

" _Because the information is dangerous Issei-sama! With that information, you could find out secrets and deals, remove or blackmail world leaders, impeach monarchs, cause global wide-scale wars! You would be painting a large target on your back for everyone in the world to see, and it would get you killed!_ "

Slow wafting silence drifted.

"They wouldn't be capable of killing me if I –"

" _You don't make weapons Issei-sama."_

"I'm just saying –"

" _You promised your mother Issei-sama."_

"With gods possibly being real –"

" _You. Don't. Make. Weapons._ "

He raised his hands into the air silently.

"Alright. Alright. I _know_ I don't make weapons, but I don't _need_ to. _Everything_ can be used as a weapon in hindsight – a microwave, a stove, an oven, a television set, a stuffed doll, a baby, a fisticuff made of Legos –"

" _What did you say Issei-sama?_ "

"Oh, yeah, a fisticuff made of Legos still counts as me making weapons –"

" _No, before that."_

"… A stuffed doll?"

There was a genuine sigh emanating from the iPhone.

" _Goodnight Issei-sama._ "

Issei chuckled, placing his hands at the back of his head slowly. "Goodnight Kiki."

" _And, for what it's worth Issei-sama, making wrong decisions or oversights once in a while doesn't mean you're an idiot,"_ Kiki said, " _It means that you're only human."_

Issei couldn't stop the small pinpricks of a smile that formed at the corner of his lips, one which grew even as lyrics of a song began to play from the device.

"Thanks Kiki."

" _Any time Issei-sama_."

Issei allowed his eyes to close, his mind coming to a slow drawl as the song echoed in his mind.

 _But I'm only human, after all…_

 _I'm only human, after all…_

 _Don't put your blame on me…_

 _Don't put your blame on me…_

* * *

 **London**

 **Elsewhere**

He could not _possibly_ be human.

"I truly do not wish you any harm. However, your continued resistance is quite tiring."

Tired, _exhausted_ pants and labored gasps for air echoed heavily amidst the otherwise serene night. Her palms were bruised even as she gripped the sword in her hand even harder, with the blade struck into the ground, she rested her entire body weight on it, as it was the only thing that was capable of letting her stand.

Her knees were soft strands of noodles as they shook, her arms were anchors and her lungs burned, it burned with a blazing fire that was almost indescribable.

Needless to say, Irina Shidou was _not_ having a good time.

The man in front of her looked immaculate, with his circular glasses and his framed form, his polished suit and his attire glistering without a single blemish, a single fold or rumple, as though he had gone out for a fancy ball and had a legion of invisible butlers constantly ironing and polishing his outfit.

In comparison, she looked like a woman who had gone for a swim fully clothed, partially drowned, only to immediately stumble through an alleyway and was assaulted by a legion of stray cats… while _drunk_.

"Kindly hand over Excalibur Mimic, I would like to put this night behind us and carry on with my business."

Irina couldn't help but scowl at him. This – this was insane. She _knew_ , that this man had the blood of _the_ King Arthur flowing through his veins, and therefore, he would be a highly competent swordsman, but to have defeated her so soundly, so _easily_ …

She stared at his hands, his _empty_ , hands, and a spurt of burning anger, like a geyser, flooded through her.

 _He hadn't even drawn his sword!_

He was soundly defeating _her,_ a trained swordswoman, with his _bare_ hands, by dodging, weaving, and redirecting her own strikes so she cut herself.

She. Kept. Cutting. Herself!

Every. Damn. Time!

This was _aggravating_ , because she was _not_ a push-over! There were seven _billion_ people in the world, and out of which, _she_ was the one chosen and given the Excalibur Mimic. _She_ , was the one tasked with protecting an ancient and holy relic that was once part of the legendary sword held by arguably, the greatest King in British History. _She_ , Irina Shidou, was a genius exorcist of the Church, and a skilled warrior who ranked just slightly below the likes of Griselda Quarta, Dulio Gesualdo and Vasco Strada.

She wasn't given Excalibur Mimic out of _nepotism!_

It was _skill!_

Pure! Unbridled! Skill!

Yet, despite the fact that she was amongst the list of top twenty exorcists in the _world_ –

She couldn't even _graze_ the man that was in front of her.

"It is not your fault."

The words snapped her back to reality, her eyes going wide once she felt the hand on her shoulder, a gesture which was supposed to be an attempt at comforting her, but instead, absolutely _terrified_ her as she had not even seen the man move, and as such, could only stagger backwards in utmost fright.

"You are an exorcist first and foremost, and a swordswoman second. The enemies you face are devils or creatures with a dark inclination, as such, you possess an array of defeating them using either the holy sword in your possession or various tools of exorcism."

He walked forward, his form and posture as calm as ever.

"However, against an opponent who is neither ghost, nor devil nor demon nor poltergeist, your exorcism gear and abilities become ineffective, and as such, your combat ability is halved."

She shuddered at the matter-of-fact manner in which he gave his observation.

"I do not mean to sound overly condescending, but your chances of defeating me at _full_ combat effectiveness was ludicrously slim to begin with. But at half?"

He smiled.

"Nonexistent."

She grit her teeth, ignoring the pain that shot through. "You won't get away with this – once the Church finds out you're stealing the Excaliburs –"

"You cannot steal what rightfully belongs to you." He said, easily, before shaking his head. "But no matter. The Church will not _quite_ be finding out. Not just yet."

She wanted to ask what he meant, only for her entire body to freeze up, as it dawned on her that she could not move. The feeling was as though dozens of constrictors had ensnared her, and was ensuring that it was impossible for her to make even the most miniscule of actions.

That was when she noticed the blade in his hand, a sword with a long enough grip to make it appear two-handed, and possessing a round pommel. There was a gold colored cross-guard that curved, and the entire blade hummed and sung with so much power that you would have to be _blind_ not to see it.

Her breath hitched in her throat at the recognition of the weapon.

The most powerful Excalibur – the sword which granted the wielder the ability to control all things that they wished, to manipulate anything, be it matter, energy, mana, chakra, or even space and _time_.

The Holy Sword of Subjugation –

 _Excalibur Ruler_.

"Now…" he smiled.

" _Forget._ "

* * *

Trepidation.

This was an emotion that Issei believed he had long since discarded. For what reason would he ever feel trepidation? He had stared down upon the bloody form of men on operating tables, his face a blank and bored façade even as his white gloves were stained red, and he paid no heed to the intricate nature of beating organs. He had stood on top of great waterfalls and listened to the roaring of the liquids as they threatened to consume him, and he had flipped nature the bird as he leapt forward, a bottle of cold Pepsi in hand.

Wealth provided opportunities. Opportunities in turn, provided rushes of danger and adrenaline that could not quite be compared to a normal lifestyle. As such, he had experienced and seen far too much to actually feel the familiar sensation of cold hands, of heated face, and of his heart pounding and pounding as the audibility blocked out all other noises, save for that of saliva welling in his mouth as he swallowed it in full, heavy gulps.

His rational mind told him that there was no reason for the numerous, tiny, but heavily aggravating responses in his physiology which contributed to the general feeling of uncertainty and trepidation. However, his body, and strangely enough, his own instincts, heavily disagreed.

" _We've reached the Shidou Residence Issei-sama –_ "

"I know Kiki."

"… _You have been sitting inside the car for the past two hours Issei-sama._ "

His lips twisted uncomfortably. Despite the tinted windows, he could make out Irina's house, just across the street from where his vehicle was parked, a comfortable looking place that was neither too extravagant nor too parsimonious. It seemed like the type of place that Irina would live, the type of place she would enjoy.

Still, he was glued to the chair.

" _My initial scan are picking up elevated heart rates, increased perspiration and blood pressure… are… are you nervous Issei-sama?_ "

"Yes." He said, not even pausing as he admitted the truth. "I just… just give me a minute."

Taking a deep breath of air, he steeled his nerves, before craning his neck. He stepped out of the car, adjusting his rumpled clothes as he slipped his stolen iPhone into his pocket, and began a leisurely walk towards the door. His own pace, gait, and posture struck a chord within him.

"This is ridiculous – I'm just going to meet a friend – a childhood friend who I haven't seen in years, I'm not walking to my own funeral. Why in the world am I acting this way?"

" _Issei-sama?_ "

"Jesus Christ Kiki, I can feel my blood rushing through my veins and my palms look and _feel_ like I dipped them in ice water. Why in the world is my heart even beating so hard? I _know_ how it feels like when adrenaline is pumping through my system when I'm in danger, and this is _not_ that feeling!"

He grit his teeth as Kiki stayed silent.

"I mean sure, we haven't seen each other in years, and _sure_ , it's kind of weird to travel half-way across the world just to meet a childhood friend that, as mentioned earlier, you haven't seen in years – but I'm rich, and if I had the money, why wouldn't I do it? Rich people do stupidly crazy things all the time – not that I would ever demean myself to be considered amongst the likes of the individuals who squander their wealth on trivialities –"

"… _Issei –"_

"I blame ka-chan for this. What was I thinking? I mean, the entire concept of travelling half-way around the world to meet someone and hook-up? That woman will be the death of me, I swear it! And now, I have to do this ridiculous thing of meeting Irina… wait, I don't really _need_ to meet her, do I? Oh wait, I do – ka-chan will ask and I can't lie to her – damn it."

" _Issei-sama… could it be that you actually_ like _Irina?_ "

Issei froze. "What? NO – that I actually, somehow, someway possess some sort of _affection_ , for a childhood friend? That's preposterous! I mean, just because my body generates ludicrous amounts of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin whenever I think about her or hear her name doesn't mean that I somehow –"

" _Issei-sama."_

He stopped.

Issei took in a deep breath, before placing his hand over his face. "Yes. Yes I do. As outwardly pathetic as it sounds, I have been harboring unresolved feelings for Irina since I was a child. There, _happy?_ "

" _I don't think it's pathetic Issei-sama. I think it's sweet._ "

Issei's groaned into his hands. "It _is_ pathetic. Beyond pathetic. What I have is an infatuation with the _idea_ of Irina, a friend and companion from long ago with somewhat similar interests. The Irina Shidou I'll meet will be that person, but at the same time, she _won't_."

" _You don't know that Issei-sama._ "

He shook his head. "No, I don't. And that's what terrifies me."

He stood in front of the door for a few more seconds, calming his nerves slowly, certainly, before gathering them and forcing his finger to push against the doorbell.

"Coming!"

He fought the urge slowly within him to dash for the nearest hiding spot, even as he heard the clamor of footsteps that rapidly followed, and the agonizing sound of several locks clicking open.

"About time my order got here, I've been waiting… all... day…"

Perhaps the first thing he noticed, was the sweet smell of mint that wafted into his nose from her. The aroma almost took a corporeal form, dancing and swaying like a swami would command a snake, until it coiled and shot through his nostrils in abundance. The next, he noted, was how her hair was let down into smooth, full strands, strands which complemented her face, which complemented her _eyes_ –

For a full several seconds, Hyoudou Issei forgot to breath.

"…you're not the delivery guy."

Her words immediately snapped him back to reality.

"H-hey – Irina. Long time no see… you look… well."

There was a slow stretching silence in which Issei realized that all of his compounded knowledge on everything related to and of human interaction, psychology and sociology, had somehow been emptied from his brain.

"Um…"

He took some solace in the fact that she seemed just as flabbergasted as he was, and that would mean, at the very least, that she too had not expected his sudden arrival, and was also at a loss for words on how they would start catching up on so much lost time –

"I'm sorry, but, do I know you?"

Just like that, his delusions shattered.

* * *

The young teen in front of her looked to be her age, Irina noted, and as far as she could tell, he was an ordinary civilian. He had the strangest coffee-tinted eyes, and the weirdest of hairstyles, a mangled mess of a mop. His form was lithe, not lean or slender, nor was it heavy, but it looked as though his body had absorbed the exact amount of nutrients and done the exact amount of exercise necessary to fall into a category that could not be considered heavily athletic, nor could it be considered subpar.

His clothes were of a standard that she had only seen worn by movie stars or celebrities in magazines, the hoodie and shoes possessing brand names that cost more than some people's salaries put together. Well, so he was a wealthy civilian by the make of his clothes, but she couldn't quite place who he was or why he was here.

"You're joking – right?"

She frowned at his expression, and even more so at his tone.

"My sense of humor isn't broken, so I think I know when I'm joking or not."

The boy seemed to stare at her, and his eyebrows crinkled in a manner of annoyance. "It's me. Issei. Hyoudou, Issei."

 _Japanese?_ The name brought her some surprise, because it had been years since she had met anyone with a Japanese name other than herself and her father. Ever since they had left Japan, she had grown accustomed to the curious looks whenever someone heard her last name, and the accompanying comments that followed:

"[You don't look Japanese.]" she had said in the barest of broken Japanese she could muster.

"[Neither do you.]" He had replied just as quickly, in smooth and elegant Japanese, though, she noted there as an annoyed tone there, one she wasn't quite understanding the root of.

"Well, I'm sorry Hisei –"

"It's _Issei_." He hissed, causing her to narrow her eyebrows.

"Well _sorry_ for not correctly getting the name of the stranger at my door."

"Stranger?" he sounded baffled "It's me! Hyoudou Issei!"

She slowly rubbed the side of her chin. "You're not exactly ringing any bells."

He gaped, strangely, as though the idea of her not remembering him was impossible. "I lived at No. 45 Hajime Street in Kyoto! You were my next door neighbor! We went to the same school!"

She scratched her head and laughed awkwardly. "My dad and I moved a lot when I was younger. I'm sorry, but I was like… six or seven when I left Japan – I don't really remember much of it – I'm clumsy eating with chopsticks, I don't know how to write Kanji anymore and you just heard how bad my Japanese is."

The boy's shoulders seemed to slump. "So you don't… remember me?"

She grimaced slightly. "Was I… supposed to?"

He shook his head, letting out a dry laugh. "No… I suppose not."

There was an awkward silence which permeated the air as she rubbed her shoulder, a sudden realization striking her.

"Did you… travel all the way from Japan… just to come and see me?"

"Yes."

The admission caught her off guard and didn't do anything to lighten the awkward air that had risen.

"Oh… I'm… sorry –"

He waved her off. "For what? It's not your fault – you, someone who had furthered onwards to newer chapters of your life? I can't blame you. This is mostly my fault – my mistake, my oversight. Delusions of grandeur mixed with childish optimism and far too much faith placed in anime about childhood friendships somehow transcending tests of time to become something else –"

He let out another dry laugh and smacked his face. "What was I thinking? This isn't an anime where children make pinky promises to marry each other when they are little, and somehow retain those memories throughout their years without discarding it to the side as the trivialities of naivety and innocence. _Real_ people grow, they forget things, and they _change_ –"

He took in a deep breath, stopping his rant.

"I apologize for what has probably been a very awkward encounter. I will take my leave now, and I wish you best of luck in future endeavors."

She watched him turn around and leave, a strange nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she couldn't quite place. He was different from most sixteen year olds, and she could tell this because _she_ was different from most sixteen year olds as well.

She killed _devils_ for god's sake. _Literally._

She was an exorcist and agent of the Church, someone who went up against ghouls and poltergeists that would make the most terrifying horror movies look like the fricking _Mickey Mouse Clubhouse_ in comparison. Her blade and hands were stained with blood, sometimes it was the blood of the creatures of the nights, and other times, it was the blood of men and women _foolish_ enough to incite or summon said creatures of the night.

Normalcy was a term that did not quite fit into Irina Shidou's vocabulary, and, quite frankly, she could tell at first sight that despite how completely… _civilian_ , the boy in front of her looked, there was something… _abnormal_ about him.

Could it be coincidence that a supposed childhood friend of hers had shown up just when the Excalibur Fragments went missing? When her Excalibur Mimic had simply vanished into the night? Just about the same time that people were having panic attacks and aneurysms over whether or not Harry Potter was a terrorist?

She shook her head. She was probably overthinking things. This was just a boy who had travelled all the way across the world to meet a childhood friend, not some sort of terrorist. Still, he was a _civilian_. She knew the rules, and her father had told her the rules as well. It was best not to befriend civilians or be involved with them in any prolonged way, because it would ultimately lead to you having no choice but to either constantly lie to their faces, constantly modify their memories, or ultimately tell them about the existence of the supernatural.

The latter of course, was always a risk. Some of them would try to expose it globally, and others would either live forever in abject denial, or become maniacal devoted worshippers. A few would be tempted to try Faustian like deals with devils, and the rest, would live in fear as to the reality of the burning lake of fire that awaited them, should their lives not conform to the religion.

"Hey – wait… Issei, right?"

He had stopped. "Yes?"

She took in a deep breath. "I think it's flattering, that you still remember me – and that you flew all this way to meet me. I guess I was someone… special to you."

"Yeah. You _were_."

She winced slightly. "I _am_ sorry, that I don't remember you, but… I think it's for the best. I'm not the same person I was… when I was younger."

Before she'd killed people. Killed devils. Exorcised demons. Seen eldritch abominations.

Issei simply laughed. "Who is?"

* * *

Issei sat back into the BMW with a sigh.

"To the airport Kiki. Call for my private jet please, I don't feel like entering a commercial flight."

" _Are you… alright Issei-sama?_ "

"Do I sound _not_ alright to you Kiki?"

" _You told me please. You_ never _tell me please_."

His eye twitched. "Way to make me sound like an asshole Kiki."

" _Between you and Irina –_ "

"Interesting conversation wasn't it? Did not go _at_ _all_ like anything I expected. A complete and utter waste of my time this entire trip has been. Well, except of course for the whole 'god is real' thing –"

" _You didn't ask Irina about the Church, or about God or Angels._ "

"Because she didn't remember me. If I started asking questions when she couldn't even be sure who I was, she would either think me a spy or an enemy."

The silence continued, stretching on into a thick, syrupy thing.

"Damn, this is depressing. I don't need any erstwhile drama in my life, what I need right now is some fun and mindless chaos. Kiki, plot a course for Buckingham Palace! I think the Queen might remember me when I bring up her Excalibur shaped pleasing tool."

" _Issei-sama, what about your goal of finding more about the supernatural and destroying heaven and hell?_ "

"Who says I can't do both?" he said with a grin, "Today, we mortify the Queen, tomorrow, we mortify God!"

" _How do you mortify God?_ "

"That, Kiki, is a very good question."


	5. Third Revision

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD. If I did, I would have at least tried to make the female characters have goals of their own. Is it a must that girls in harem manga/light novels have no other ambitions than to be by the side of the male lead? Just food for thought Mangakas.**

* * *

"You know, sometimes, I actually kind of forget that I'm famous."

" _Just smile and wave Issei-sama. Smile and wave._ "

Issei put on the best imitation of a smile that he could humanly muster, even as cameras and lights flashed in the night, with numerous wild comments, whispers and hushed conversations travelling through the air like a hawk descending on an unsuspecting lamb.

"Hyoudou Issei is _here?_ "

"Oh my god, he actually showed up!"

"This is unprecedented – the Prodigy of the Orient makes a public appearance after so long!"

Issei could only feel his lower teeth grit against each other as a young man wielding a camera and taking pictures, and followed by a woman, barged into his vision, shoving a recorder into his mouth.

"Mr. Hyoudou! Mr. Hyoudou! Getty Lavender, Daily Petal. This is your first public appearance in over six years, not since the Osaka Incident. Tell us, what brought about the sudden decision to come to the Queen's Granddaughter's Sixteenth Birthday Bash?"

 _I didn't know there was a bloody party, and I came to mortify the Queen and all of England! Now get that bloody camera out of my face before I ruin your life with digitally created pornography of you and a goat!_

"Ah, I suppose I felt the need to stretch my legs a bit. I treasure the Royal Family, and I would not miss the event for the world."

Idly, Issei wondered if he would get an Oscar nomination for the immaculate smile he had plastered on his face, and the fact that he had refrained himself from already doing something incredibly damning.

"That's quite lovely! But the people want to know, where has the Prodigy of the Orient been hiding all this time? What has he been up to, and what is next for the youngest billionaire in the – aaaah!"

Issei could only keep his face impassive, realizing it would be damning for him to smirk as he watched the woman's recorder short circuit and burn out in her hand, just as the hefty camera began to spark wildly.

"There they are!"

Of course, he _did_ smirk, when the hapless woman was pinned to the ground by the security team, courtesy of an _anonymous_ tip which suggested that there were dangerous terrorists seeking to enter the party disguised as reporters and paparazzi, and that the security should be on the lookout for any "malfunctions".

"Wait! This is a misunderstanding! I'm Getty Lavend- aaaaaaahhh!"

The sound of a Taser hitting flesh had never been so satisfying.

As such, Issei trotted into the Palace, whistling a low jaunty tune, with his spirits most definitely lifted.

* * *

There were different types of rich people, Issei noted. There existed the pretentious rich, the crazy rich, and the _really_ crazy rich. The pretentious rich types were the one who found themselves in highbrow society, doing events like tea parties, and formal gatherings, where people were expected to show proper manners, etiquette, and where gossip travelled from lip to lip. These types, unfortunately often included Royalty, or at least, the Royal family and all its connected friends and acquaintances.

The crazy rich types were the ones who went out of their way to live the fullest life with their wealth. Private skiing, private yachting, or buying your private island and relaxing there for as long as you want. They spent their money, their way, however they wanted to spend it, and the lived life to the fullest.

Then, there existed the _really_ crazy rich.

"Prince Amir just got here! In a _golden_ Lamborghini! The wheels were plated with _twenty-four carat diamonds!_ "

"Oh. My. God."

"I _know!_ "

Issei leaned back on a wall as he watched the two girls rush off.

"Kiki."

" _Yes Issei-sama?_ "

"Blow up Prince Amir's Lamborghini."

"… _really Issei-sama?_ "

"Did I stutter?"

"… _sigh_."

The gathered festivities went wildly silent as there was a loud _boom_ which shook the entire Palace. The chandeliers clinked against each other from the impact, and drinks and wines in glasses rippled from the resulting shockwave and impact.

There was a loud, anguished scream of "NOOOOOOOOOO!" which tore through the air.

The people in the palace where gathered dignitaries, representatives of individuals of power and prestige, and people who were expected to be selfless, altruistic leaders, so they did precisely what they would do whenever they, distinguished men and women as they were, heard a cry of anguish and sorrow.

They completely ignored it.

" _Was that necessary Issei-sama?_ "

He shrugged, moving through the large hall as he made his way towards a table. "It made me feel better."

" _At someone else's expense?_ "

"Oh, don't worry about Amir. He has twelve of those."

" _That does not justify… wait… twelve? He has twelve golden, diamond-platted Lamborghinis?_ "

"Eleven now." Issei said, left eye twitching as he looked at the tiny morsels of food on his plate "He's just angry because he was planning on sleeping with the Princess in it. He has a weird thing for gold, princesses, and expensive cars."

"… _Huh?"_

Issei sighed. "Just because I feel that my heart is broken doesn't mean I'm any dumber, stupider, or needlessly more vindictive. Prince Amir is a certified playboy whose goal in life is to have sex with as many princesses as he can, but not marry them – essentially lessening her value in the eyes of any other suitor should the tryst be discovered."

His eyes then traced over to a window outside, where he could see a woman being pushed into a police car.

"Gertrude Lavender is Britain's very own real life version of Rita Skeeter. She spins stories and makes the words you say sound as worse as possible just to be able to sell more papers. She'll probably be released once they discover she's not a terrorist, but a day without bad news should be a good day indeed."

There was a relative amount of silence.

" _I'm sorry Issei-sama, for thinking that you –_ "

"Oh, no, I am very capable of causing indescribable amounts of chaos and anarchy for kicks and giggles," Issei corrected, "But that doesn't mean I have to do it _all_ the time. It would get really boring, really fast if there was no method to my madness."

" _So the Harry Potter thing?_ "

A large smirk popped up on his face. "Now that, that was me pranking the entirety of England – and probably making sure that book sales for the franchise go up. It was a good series… I wish Harry would have been more proactive, and Dumbledore hadn't been as daft, but I liked it. It's probably one of the only stories in the world where you can do next to absolutely nothing, and still get the girl."

" _You mean the ginger?_ "

Issei nodded, a sagely look appearing on his face. "Ah, Ronald Weasley, teach me your ways…"

 _Brrring!_

Issei blinked, before sighing. "I was wondering when ka-san was going to call."

" _Hey, squirt._ "

Issei coughed out the water he was drinking. "D-dad?"

Nomura Hyoudou hummed. _"You know, I think it's unfair that you always address your mother with Japanese and address me with English. What, no love for your tou-san?_ "

Issei rolled his eyes. "It's more a matter of respect."

" _Ouch. So my little Ise-chan doesn't respect his old man?_ "

"Ise-chan's old man doesn't respect himself."

" _Oooh. I see, this is your Oedipus Complex acting out again isn't it?_ "

Issei couldn't help the way his cheeks went red. "I do _not_ have an Oedipus Complex!"

" _Hates his old man, but loves his mother, smiles like a loon whenever she rubs his head and leaps for her breasts as a means of comfort whenever he feels sad. Sounds familiar?_ "

"Everyone knows you can play with your mother's breasts, but not your father's testicles."

" _Quoting African Proverbs isn't going to cut it this time Ise-chan. Should I be worried that you'll try to off me in my sleep?_ "

"Knowing you, I don't have to try. You'll probably either smother yourself with your own pillow or choke on your saliva."

" _Ooh, it's a real treat when your sixteen year old jizz starts mouthing back at you."_

Issei's cheeks darkened. "I've been in her deeper than you've ever been old man!"

" _Are we talking about your mother, or your virginity?_ "

Issei resisted the urge to grab his hair.

"At least I'm not the one smooching off his son's income!"

" _Oh, what's that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of someone calling me_ daddy _._ "

"Gah! Alright old man, you win this round –"

" _This round? What's the score again my boy?_ "

"As if I'd ever keep count –"

" _132 to what, twenty?"_

"It's _Thirty!_ You know damn well it's thirty!"

" _Aw, Ise-chan is so cute when he becomes Tsundere._ "

"Suck a cock old man."

" _Funny, that's exactly what your mom did this morning._ "

"She's your _wife!_ "

" _Doesn't make it any less true._ "

Issei groaned, palming his face as he moved away from the area he was in, which had numerous people giving him extremely odd looks.

"So, did you call just to mentally scar me with the realization that ka-san performed fellatio, or is there something else you'd like to add?"

" _Your mother's gone out to get some groceries, and she asked me, the responsible adult, to ensure that I remind you to use protection when with Irina… unless you're ready to have your own mouthy little squirt._ "

Issei rubbed his face a deep sigh escaping his lips. "Dad… Irina… didn't remember me."

" _And?_ "

Issei growled. "What do you mean _and?_ She didn't remember me! She looked me straight in the face and couldn't place who I was or any of the memories we spent together!"

" _So?_ "

The scientist felt something in him snap. "So my entire trip has been wasted! So I won't get to be with her! So there's nothing else for me here!"

There was a relative amount of silence on the phone. Then, the silence ended with loud, voracious laughter, the type that could not be faked, and the type that people gave when they felt they had heard the funniest joke in existence.

"You think this is _funny_ old man?"

The laughter continued, for a full minute, as Issei waited, stockpiling his anger.

" _Oh gods, this isn't funny Ise-chan, it's hilarious!"_

"What?" he hissed.

" _With all your super smarts Issei, I almost forgot that you're still just a teenage boy underneath, no matter how much you try to hide it, or act otherwise._ "

"Have you been drinking again?"

" _No_." The voice came out sharp and devoid of all mirth. " _Issei, so your childhood crush forgot who you were. That's sad, but not unexpected. I've seen you grow since you were little, and you're no longer the boy who used to try and con girls into showing him their panties. Do you think that Irina would still be the girl who ran up and down promising to marry you when you grew older?_ "

"No." he admitted "But at least, I thought she would _remember_ me."

" _And when she didn't remember, what did you do? No, don't tell me. I can already picture it. You ranted, whined, bitched, then apologized for the awkwardness, and then you turned tail and left. Am I right_?"

Issei growled. "Well what else was I supposed to do?!"

" _How about, first and foremost, getting to know her? Oh, I know, it's a completely daring and out-of-this-world idea. She's my crush, and she doesn't remember me, how could I_ possibly _want to get to know who she is now? How could I_ dare _entertain the idea of getting to know her anyway?"_

Issei fell silent, before murmuring. "She said it was for the best… that she's not the same person she once was."

" _And are you? Think of it Issei. What if she had remembered you? What would happen then? When she remembered the boy who was a pervert? The boy who did not have numerous Doctorate Degrees. The boy that was not a billionaire inventor. The boy that could not speak ninety-seven languages fluently. The boy that could not stand in front of a gathering of the world's greatest minds, and proceed to leave them feeling like retarded kindergartners. Tell me Issei, what would have happened when she looked at you, and thought of that boy. Would she feel disappointed, that you were not the same, or would she feel happy, that you had become something better?"_

There was a brief moment of silence.

Issei let out a sigh as he dragged his hand across his face."I'm an idiot."

" _No son. You're a teenager. Though those two things are not mutually exclusive, being a teenager means overthinking issues with girls and romance, and feeling like it's the end of the world if you like someone who doesn't like you back._ "

"I thought I was _above_ all of that."

" _No. No you're not._ " Nomura's let out an audible sigh. _"I'll admit that I don't know what goes on in that brain of yours Issei, but I will say that no matter how smart you become or how smart you are, you are still as human as the rest of us. I just wish you would remember that."_

Issei smiled. "I will – I promise."

" _Alright. I've got to go, I think I can hear your mother coming in through the back door."_

"… Thanks, for everything… _tou-san_."

The young genius could almost hear the mirth on the other side of the phone.

" _Don't go getting all soft on me now you baby. You're probably just trying to lower my guard so you can elope with my wife."_

Issei palmed his face hard enough for the smack to resound around him.

"… way to ruin a moment _dad_."

" _Ah, that's the disgruntled son of mine I know and love. Stay frosty squirt."_

Issei could only sigh once he heard the call disconnect, even as his lip managed to twitch, and he fought down the urge to break into a wild smile. Instead, he turned his attention back to the party and the gala, adjusting his attire to make it look the most presentable it could be, even though he stood out with his odd choice of a hoodie in what was basically a formal gathering.

Still, it was a seventeen thousand dollar hoodie, so he assumed people wouldn't mind.

"Oh, I'm so sorry –"

And of course, a woman just had to bump into him and spill wine all over the aforementioned seventeen thousand dollar hoodie. Had he been a more materialistic person, he would have immediately gone into a fit, but instead he let his gaze land on the form of the sleek, _gorgeous_ gown which accentuated the young woman's curves and showed in her filled out br –

Issei's mind froze as he realized that he had seen these _exact_ hip-waist-breast measurements before.

Then of course, his eyes flickered upwards, to clear blue eyes, blonde hair and a smile.

"Nope."

He immediately spun around.

"Nope."

His feet began to move.

"Nope."

His mind began whirling, when once more, he found himself unable to move. Frozen to the spot as he was, his muscles and joints locked in place as though he was embedded in ice, thick, heavy ice that refused to grant him passage and mobility.

Time slowed down as he took a deep breath, his mind raced, forward, backward and in every which direction.

 _Unknown means of stopping movement. External forms of movement are stopped, but all biological functions proceed as normal. Still capable of sweating, hence automatic functions are neither halted nor suspended with my in animation. Given range estimate: unknown, hypothesizes: line of sight. Given parameters of control: unknown, hypothesis: intense focus and concentration. Previous experiment concluded that generating laughter in the form of involuntary stimulation, functionally disables the ability. Thus… possible assumption suggests suitable distractions to subject's concentration will break hold._

Barely a second had passed before Issei's mind finished it's stream of thought.

"Dr. Hyoudou –"

"IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME!"

The large, loud cry easily drew numerous eyes, ears, and the young blonde girl found herself looking like a deer caught in headlights at the unexpected declaration.

"I AM SORRRY! I CANNOT ACCEPT YOUR DECLARATION OF LOVE!"

It worked, perhaps, almost _too_ well, and Issei found his joints loose as he walked away from the scene, with Le Fay Pendragon left behind as a woman whose approaches had just been publicly scorned.

Once he was out of major views of sight, Issei _bolted_ through the corridors as quickly as his legs could work.

"Damn it Kiki! Why didn't you tell me that _she_ was here!"

" _I am sorry Issei-sama, but Miss Pendragon does not show up on any cameras or security footage. Her presence also interferes with most of my basic mapping functionalities –_ "

Issei tsked. "Can't be seen on cameras. Can freeze people within her line of sight. Can interfere with technology and gadgets. If this woman ever decided to become a spy, terrorist or serial killer… people would be well and truly screwed."

" _Coming from someone who can launch every nuke in the world at the push of a button?_ "

"Touché."

Issei made a sharp turn, diverting from one of the numerous hallways into what he knew was the cooking area, and he ignored the odd looks he got from the chefs and waiters as he proceeded to open the back door –

"That was not nice Hyoudou-sensei."

 _JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!_

Issei's staggered back, panting wildly from the numerous collections of mini-heart attacks he had experienced at the sight of the blonde woman, standing at his supposed escape route, her arms crossed and her face looking quite… _intense_.

"I had to make a few memory altering spells and some obliviations to get out of that mess."

Whatever Issei wanted to say was halted by the use of one word.

"Did you just say… _Obliviation?_ "

Le Fay seemed to perk up. "Oh? Yes."

"As in… _Harry Potter '_ magic?'"

"Well, it's not necessarily _from_ Harry Potter –"

Issei gave her the blandest stare in the world. "Harry Potter is real?"

"Well no, not that I know of… but the _magic_ _system_ and organization of spells _in_ the Harry Potter world is real, or at least, to _me_. I'm the only one in the world who can use it."

"Bullshit."

Le Fay shrugged. " _Leviosa_."

There was no arguing, or denying, the sheer inexplicability of the fact that he was _floating_. He knew that there were no invisible wires or strings connected to him, and that there was no way the earth's gravity had suddenly decided to be selective and remove him from its hold.

And, according to the numerous, shell-shocked looks of the kitchen staff, he was not being placed under some illusion to believe that he was, in fact, floating in the air.

Le Fay, fortunately had the decency to look sheepish, as she waved her hand.

He came crashing down to the floor on his butt, wincing from the impact, and noticed that all the members of the kitchen staff had gained glassy-eyed expressions, which lasted for all of a second before they immediately went back to work, ignoring the odd duo that was most definitely not supposed to be there.

All at once, it made sense to Issei, as to why Kiki malfunctioned anytime Le Fay got near. Then, all at once, some _other_ things made sense to him as well, and he rose from the ground, dusting his pants, as a confident smile immediately worked up unto his face.

"So this was why you were so angry when you discovered I was the one who made Harry Potter a terrorist. Makes sense."

 _Except, none of this makes sense. How does 'magic' exist? What IS 'magic' to begin with?_

"You seem curious Hyoudou-sensei. Like you want answers…" she observed with a giggle, before frowning "So why do you keep running away from me?"

 _Because you are kind, ambitious and powerful… and that is a very scary combination._

"I have questions. So many questions."

 _How does magic work? What are its limitations? How does a magic from a fictional universe have a bearing in the real world? How do I get to heaven? Where IS heaven? What are angels and gods and devils like? Do people really burn for all eternity in hell? Are the people in heaven truly enjoying their tranquil peace?_

He batted aside the barrage and shook his head. "But, I have a feeling that you're not the person I should be meeting for answers. You might provide me with the knowledge and information I seek… but in the long run, I might end up getting entangled into something that huge and dangerous… something that isn't worth the price of simply sating my curiosity."

Le Fay stared at him strangely for the longest time, before a tired, _oh-so-tired_ , smile appeared on her face. "So, you're not even going to listen to my proposition before you turn it down?"

"Am I wrong in assuming that your proposition will be potentially dangerous and life-threatening on a grand scale?"

She sighed. "No. No you're not."

"Them my answer remains the same." He said.

There was a brief loft of silence.

"I really wish that you would simply accept Hyoudou-sensei. Not just for my sake… what would happen to you if you refuse… it will be entirely unpleasant."

The edge in her tone made Issei's entire body rigid. He was tense, and she as well could sense it.

He managed a scoff. "And you were _wondering_ why I was running away from you?"

She smiled. "I suppose it makes sense now. And… for what it's worth, I am sorry."

 _RED FLAG! RED FLAG!_

A weird hybrid of instinct and luck was the only thing that saved him, as he spiraled out of the way of… _nothing,_ but instantly knew that he had dodged _something_ , when an unwitting chef that had been behind him had immediately frozen in place, reminiscent of the manner that he was often rendered immobile.

"Le Fay – please, _please_ don't do this. I'm usually a pacifist – I do not believe in violence to be the best course of action to resolve conflict… but when I _do_ fight… I. am. _Dangerous_." He hissed out the last word with extreme stress.

"I think you're underestimating me if you believe I can be hurt by you Hyoudou-sensei."

No. No he wasn't. The issue however, was that she wouldn't believe him if he told her. He very much _looked_ the part of a harmless sixteen year old civilian boy, one who had most likely never experienced any hardship or training – but with his mind and his _inventions…_

Oh, _god_ his inventions –

He could end the world at a push of a finger or at the utterance of a few words.

What did that say about what he could do to _people_?

"Le Fay, you are a cute girl… a _nice_ girl… I really, _really_ don't want to hurt you –"

She _punched_ him.

The entire world became a blur for Issei, as _pain_ shot throughout his entire form, resonating most strongly from his jaw. His lips pooled with blood at the realization that the unexpected uppercut had caused him to bite into his tongue. The haze of _pain pain pain_ , was immediately softened with the realization that he was airborne, flying, soaring through the skies, the Buckingham Palace below him looking like tiny specks of light.

His rational mind told him that a punch strong enough to send him this high into the air should have snapped his neck and killed him on contact. He hadn't felt himself breaking through any ceilings whilst being sent airborne, but he could not tell if it was merely because the pain was overwhelming and he had numbed himself towards it, or if Le Fay had pulled a teleporting uppercut.

 _How cool is that… bam and zap! Like ka-pow… oh, I think I may have a concussion… is there a doctor in the house… oh, wait, I'm a doctor… yay…_

The non-concussed part of his mind, however, was riddled with questions. Had she gone to the palace because she realized he would be there, or had it been a mere coincidence?

Well, their first meeting hadn't been a coincidence, so there was no way this one was. That of course brought up more issues.

Why was Le Fay so vehemently after him? What made him a person of interest in the supernatural? Was he like a prophet of the endtimes or something similar?

He felt himself snag in midair, his ascension coming to an abrupt stop as something grabbed unto the hood of his hoodie, and kept him there.

He turned his attention upwards, finding the familiar blonde holding on to him, sitting on a flying _broom_.

"Oooh… ish that a nimbush four thoushand? Or shomething-ish… are we going to catsh a snitsh now?"

He could barely make out the words without blood pouring out of his mouth, and he smiled at the woman on the broom, who was just staring at him sadly.

"You have… nice legs… by the way."

She sighed. "I really wish we could have been friends Hyoudou-sensei. But, you're a wildcard in this world. You would become a powerhouse that the factions would pay attention to, sooner or later… especially when you unleash your Sacred Gear."

"Is that shupposed to be a fanshy name for my dick?"

She ignored him. "Arthur-ni-sama is going to change the world. He needs all the power he can get to do it… and I will help him, even if it means getting the blood of the innocent on my hands. I will do anything to accomplish his dream."

"Oh! A bird! A plane! No, it's Shuperman! Shuperman? More like Normal-Alien? Am I right? Right? Nerd-joke… ha ha."

She stared at him. "Most people are not this talkative when hit with my _Confundus_ Uppercut."

"Maybe that's because I'm just pretending to be out of it so you'll unwittingly tell me the full details of whatever you have planned."

Her eyes widened.

"So… what exactly is a _Sacred Gear_ , and what does it have to do with me?"

* * *

Le Fay would honestly admit that she had not been expecting him to be _pretending_ to be concussed. Still, she held the advantage, all the cards were perfectly in her favor, and all she had to do was to wave her hand and cast a sleeping sp –

"TOO SLOW!"

He _swung_.

There was the fact that she was holding on to him, whilst sitting on a broom floating in the middle of the air, and she could bet her life on it that with all his knowledge of physics, the boy genius had _not_ swung randomly. She found herself correct when she teetered off the broom, and suddenly free-falling through the air.

"Oh, so we _really_ are in the sky! I thought I was just hallucinating this."

She grit her teeth. She needed him _alive_ , so as to ensure Arthur-ni-sama's plan of extracting and transferring the Boosted Gear from the boy to himself, which was a plan that should only come out should the boy in question refuse to join them.

It was very much a 'join us or die' situation, because the allegiance of the Red Dragon Emperor was _not_ something that could be left up to fate or chance, or his own decision. Had the Boosted Gear landed up with some naïve, young lad, then they would not have much to fear… but instead, it was in the possession of a young man who owned a tech empire, and was essentially considered the smartest and most ambitious teenager in the world.

He had accomplished _impossible_ feats _without_ the power of the Boosted Gear.

What would he do _with_ it?

If the Devils sunk their claws into him… he would reach Ultimate-Class in _weeks_ , and he would lead that race towards a revolution that would change the Underworld.

If the Angels got him, the Devils would become nervous, because he was a figure that tilted the balance, and there was no doubt that he would become the world's greatest Exorcist in _days_.

If the Fallen obtained him, they would have both the White and Red Dragon Emperors… needless to say, the other factions would see it as an arms race, and the outcome would be clear.

Hyoudou Issei, sweet and seemingly altruistic as he may be, was a political nightmare waiting to happen, regardless of what action he took. Neutrality was not even an option, because if he was not _for_ a faction, it was to be assumed that he was immediately _against_ them.

She and her brother were the only ones in the world who knew about him and his unawakened Sacred Gear. And the only reason she knew that he was the Red Dragon Emperor, was due to her numerous, painstaking hours of staring into crystal balls and using every magical trick under the sun to locate the soul of Y Ddraig Goch.

"Fun Fact: a fall from this height is the equivalent of crashing a car going over one hundred and twenty kilometers an hour into a solid concrete wall."

She cut her thoughts in half and latched unto his arm. Immediately after, there was a soft 'crack' which echoed in the air. She was already moving the very second she felt her feet connect with solid ground, though, she did not expect him to also be quite as ready, and not even looking winded or disturbed by the journey.

"Oh… so we just apparated didn't we? Huh. The books really oversell the whole 'squeezing through-a-tube' description. I can't feel a thing!"

Clearly, despite his claims as to faking his concussion, he most _definitely_ wasn't faking his concussion. She could tell that relatively easily from how he stood to his feet and swayed a couple of times, and how his eyes didn't seem to be focused or latching unto anything.

"You brought us to a freight shipping dock? Brilliant! Almost every epic battle scene has to happen with tons and tons of empty freighters around to really increase the ambiance! You've really done your research Le Fay."

She hid the way that she grit her teeth behind her smile.

This… this felt _so, so_ wrong. Issei hadn't hurt anybody, he hadn't done any harm, he was just someone innocent – and yet, simply because he had the _potential_ to do great good or great evil, she was going to have to rip out his Sacred Gear and kill him.

Why didn't he accept?! It would be much, _much_ easier if he just accepted! She didn't _want_ to do this! She didn't _want_ to have to kill him in such a way that would undoubtedly be immensely painful!

Even though she could imagine her brother with the Boosted Gear, and she _knew_ , that with that sort of power, he would be capable of fighting The _Demon_ himself, Sirzechs Lucifer, on equal ground. She knew, that with that power, not even Michael, or Azazel, or the entire congregations of heaven and hell would be capable of stopping him.

They would accomplish their dreams, and they would be happy, they would make sure _everyone_ was happy…

But was it worth the cost?

"Tell me your story Le Fay." The question came out from the clearly concussed boy who was spitting blood out of his mouth.

"What?"

"Typical shonen battle rules apply. You have to tell me your backstory before we fight – the reason you've made the choices you've made, and how those choices put us on opposite sides. Come on, it'll be fun! I even promise not to attack until you finish!"

She shook her head and laughed. Was he really this cocky even when out of it? Did he believe he could fight her? That he could somehow manage to pose a threat to her?

"I've endured harsh physical training with my brother since I was four, Hyoudou-sensei. I don't really think there's much you can do to hurt me in a fight."

"Ah hah!" he exclaimed, "There, right there. The harsh physical training at such a young age. That's a good place to start with. Go on, tell me, what was the cause of that?"

Despite the surrealistic nature of the situation, she couldn't help but smile. "Is that really what you want your final discussion to be about? My life?"

He shrugged. "Well, I'd like to ask about the whole Sacred Gear thing, but I'm sure you're all clammed up and won't go into detail about it. I'd also like to ask why you want to kill me but don't want me to die –"

Her eyes widened once more.

"Oh, come on, that's pretty obvious. If you wanted me to die, you'd just have let me fall to my death, but you didn't – you saved my hide, and yet, you still want to kill me. Which means, you need to kill me in a specific way… a ritual perhaps?"

She kept her face vacant.

"Ah, so it is a ritual. A ritual involving my… Sacred Gear, as you called it. You said if I 'unleashed it', which means that it's something powerful or dangerous… and you want to take it for one reason or the other. And I'm guessing taking it will kill me."

He nodded his head sagely.

"Ah. So I'm guessing, I have some sort of inner power or weapon, one that's dangerous or powerful enough that you feel you need me as your ally, and one that would make me a nightmare should I be your enemy. So you tried to recruit me… but failing that, you need to eliminate me and take this power for yourself… or for your _brother._ "

She tried to smile, to hide the fact that she was inwardly disturbed as to how quickly he had pieced together the truth from tiny snippets of her words and from observing her actions. Hyoudou Issei might not have been dangerous in the traditional sense of power and brute might, but _good gods_ , his mind was _terrifying._

"I think the time for talking is done Hyoudou-sensei."

She took in a deep breath, feeling the magic swirl underneath her skin and –

"I'll help you."

His three words threw her for a loop.

"W-what?"

He tilted his head.

"I said I'll help you. Help you out. Is there a problem with that?"

She struggled to find the words. "Yes! But – now – I mean –"

"Oh, your mind already willed itself to kill me and take whatever power I had. But, that was because I didn't have any allegiance to you then. But, _if_ i'm on your side, Tell me, will you still kill me anyway, take away the power of an ally in order to further your goals? Why risk putting faith in a wildcard when you can have the winning hand? Is that what it is?"

That was exactly what it was. She knew it and he knew it too. The thought was already dancing in her mind, the realization that her brother with the power of the Boosted Gear, could be trusted and was more reliable Issei would be. She truly didn't know him, and all though she felt he was a good person at heart, she would pick her brother over him in a heartbeat.

Indecision and confusion welled up inside her, the conflict between doing what needed to be done and doing the right thing. There was no way to actually even _confirm_ Issei's supposed loyalty and change of heart… wouldn't it be better, wiser even, to just take away his Sacred Gear and be done with it?

Wouldn't it be more merciful?

 _No!_ her mind roared back. That wasn't what she did, that was not how she did things. That wouldn't be fair to him and she wondered if she would ever be able to look at herself in the mirror if she did that.

"So… just like that… you'll join us? Accept my offer?"

"Did I stutter earlier?"

She frowned. "How can I be sure you'll keep your word?"

"I. Don't. Lie."

She remembered that, remembered him saying it, though she wasn't sure that he was being serious at the time.

"Even after… I just… tried to kill you?"

"You're not the first person to have tried. Assassins, terrorists, hippies, government agents, prison inmates and hit squads have all tried their luck and failed."

She stared at him.

"Being rich, famous and known to possess the abilities to build extraordinary things often puts you in the crosshairs of a _lot_ of different people."

That was rather… informative.

"So, do you mind fixing me up? The concussion I got from your uppercut is just lessening, but it still hurts so bad."

Le Fay frowned, walking closer to the sitting boy to examine his injuries. "Well… this was rather… anticlimactic."

She knelt before him, placing her hand on his chin, only to freeze when his palm snapped out and caught her wrist.

"Um… What are you doing?"

He smiled. "Helping you."

She could not explain the weird sensation, nor could she put it into words the manner in which her lips met a certain warmth, and her mouth was overfilled with a strong, ineffable taste – one that was overridden with blood, even as his tongue explored her and grasped around her own.

Her eyes shot wide open and she thrust out her hand on instinct, sending the boy rolling away from her in a telekinetic blast.

"P-P-Pervert!"

Why would he – how _dare_ he – that was her first –

Her fingers went up to her lips, trying to forget the sensation, yet failing horribly at it. Except, idly, she felt her lips go numb, and her fingers go numb, and then she felt her hand begin to also go numb, and realized that it was not just the shock of the surprise kiss that was causing it.

Issei stood, dusting his scuffled and bloodstained hoodie as he let out a smile, one that sent alarm bells ringing in her head.

"What – what did you –"

"I re-organized my body chemistry when I was younger to ensure maximum optimal functionality. I'm immune to illness, my food and metabolism digests and is distributed properly and efficiently, and likewise, it cut down on how long I need sleep. Naturally, it means my blood and body fluids are rather potent."

She shook in place, even as her breathing began to rapidly increase, and she felt her heart rate rise. "Potent?"

"Think of your body as an engine that runs on clean water. Nice, smooth and efficient, and it will do all you need with it. Now imagine you got the crazy idea, and decided that instead of clean water, you want to use coke and jet fuel."

Her eyes widened.

"Naturally your system isn't meant to handle that, so it is rejecting it… quite violently I might add."

She dropped to the floor, unable to hold the contents of her stomach as she retched, emptying out bile and blood unto the floor. In seconds, her skin rapidly turn pale blue, her teeth began to clatter violently, and everything in her vision began swimming, even as she could hear the heavy thumping of her heart which felt as though it would burst at any moment.

"Y-y-you said you would h-help me –"

"And I will. I'm going to make sure you _don't_ go into an epileptic fit, or have a heart attack which are both very real possibilities. That counts as helping."

She scowled at him, with the little waning strength she had left. "Y-you said you don't lie –"

He stared. "I _don't_. I never said I would help you with whatever plan you had, or that I would _join_ you. I just said I would help you, and I am solely responsible for what I say, and not what you interpret."

Her mind ran through their conversation, and realized, _he hadn't_. He had never agreed, he had never _specified,_ and she had simply assumed that was the case.

"You –" she hurled, retching unto the floor, unable to complete the curse that she desperately wanted to use.

Perhaps, the most _infuriating_ thing of it all, was the way he patted her back in what was supposed to be a comforting manner, and the fact that he was actually holding her hair back for her.

"There, there. Let it all out."

She didn't know whether to be horrified, degraded, or to feel lucky and patronized that he was even going this far for her. He could have easily have twisted his words to mean _help_ _put her out of her misery_.

"Don't feel too bad, if this sucks for you, imagine how much it sucks for me. I'd have to create a serum that makes girls compatible with my overwhelming DNA whenever I want to smooch, and if a girl ever kisses me by mistake, she throws up and becomes sick. Doesn't exactly allure me to the ladies now, does it?"

 _Was he serious?_

"YOU –"

And she hurled again.

"Though I don't think Angels would have that problem… because if they did, that would mean that angels have human DNA, which would be weird right? But, then again, I think it would be weirder to actually kiss an angel. Would that be counted as a sin on their part? I really don't know."

Oh gods, he was serious.

"I –"

Nope. More vomiting as he rubbed her back.

"I'm pretty sure you're thinking: why is this guy being so nice to me after he pretty much poisoned me after I pretty much sucker punched him and admitted to wanting to murder him."

She actually _was_ thinking that.

"The thing is Le Fay… I want you to remember."

His eyes met hers and she _froze_ at the vehemence in them.

"I don't value my life much, I know that. But, my _mother_ , my _father_ , they value me more than anything in the world, and I _will not_ allow them to bury a child _again_. So remember this moment, when you think about wanting to kill me. Remember how I could have chosen to stab you in the skull or slit your throat as you vomited on the ground, a helpless mess. Remember how I could have placed my boot on your throat and feed you my blood until it damaged the layer of mucus surrounding your stomach and I watched as you began to digest yourself, screaming in agony. Remember… and remember very well, that you do _not_ want to be on the wrong side of Hyoudou Issei, because if you are…"

He smiled.

"You'll _beg_ for death."

The sheer _killing intent_ that followed those words and that smile hit her like a physical wave, snapping her hair back and making her eyes go wide, as she sat in that manner, frozen, like a silhouette embedded in time and space.

Then, the pressure hit her stomach once more, and the sound of retching continued.

"… You hurled on my face on purpose didn't you."

His answer was another heave.

"… God damn it."


	6. Fourth Revision

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD. I did however, own Kiki before she became cool, and before people started jumping out of moving cars for her in the Kiki Challenge. Whether she loves me or not is up for debate.**

 **Kindly forgive the rust and cobwebs that may or may not have accumulated. It's been a while.**

* * *

She couldn't stop thinking about him.

It had started when she watched him leave, looking so dejected and so forlorn that her hand had stretched out to his retreating back on sheer instinct, and she found herself clutching it back to her chest in response. There had been _something_ about him – something about the boy called Hyoudou Issei that had sung to her, that had rung some form of bells in her head, yet, try as she might she couldn't place it.

She had returned back into her house, climbed unto her bed and closed her eyes, turning and twisting and shuffling in the sheets in frustration as chocolate eyes and hair appeared in her peripheral vision and made her chest burn as though she had eaten too much spicy food. In the end, she decided to get back to work, back to business, as surely, the only thing that would put him out of her mind was doing the Lord's good work, right?

Right?

She did her best to put on her firmest game face, staring at herself in the mirror and slapping her cheeks.

"Alright Irina – you can do this! You can do this! The Lord be willing, you can do this!"

Of course, she was missing her Excalibur – Excalibur Mimic.

It didn't matter! She didn't need the epic sword of legend to slay demons in the Lord's name. She was Irina Shidou – she was awesome enough without it.

"Alright Irina – no mulling about your maybe-ruined innocence or your maybe-lost chance at normality! The Lord has a will! Where the Lord's will is, there will be a way!"

Meeting with Issei had forced her to confront some of the darker fears swirling inside her heart. So what if she couldn't ever have any relationship with 'normal' people? She would just have to find an awesome Exorcist like her to marry! So what if she'd killed devils, men and women? Soldiers and cops often killed people too, and their loved ones didn't treat them any different for it.

It wasn't like she was going to live this life of slaying evil until she aged and became unattractive and then was forgotten and never found true love and then died an old miserable lady with nothing but her seventy-seven cats to keep her company…

That could never happen! Right?

 _Right?!_

She dove into her room and slammed her face back into her pillow.

"I need to start working on cat names…"

But – it wasn't like she _couldn't_ eventually find love and settle right? She _was_ attractive enough wasn't she?

Also, she was sure she'd make a very badass cat-lady – with her martial arts skills, maybe she'd adopt a few daughters, spin some story about being a super-cool and sexy secret agent in her youth, and have her own Charlie's Angel's-style daughters organization.

Yeah! She was certain she'd be badass as an old woman. Like those wise and elegant old female Kung-Fu masters in the movies.

No one ever asked _them_ about their possible love lives!

…Why exactly did she care about all of this again?

Brown hair and sad eyes flickered in her vision and she winced. Oh. That was why. She wasn't stupid – a little bit slightly airy at times, but not stupid. She _saw_ the way he looked at her. Then there was the fact that he had travelled halfway across the world just to meet her, someone he hadn't seen in years.

 _For nothing…_

Irina shook her head as she rose from her bed. Well, maybe she could do something to change that? To… rectify it? She had gone and said that it was for the best… and he _was_ a civilian, someone who _really_ should not mess with people that had stakes in the supernatural without good reason –

But would it hurt just to get his number?

Would it hurt to collect his e-mail address?

Would it be wrong to let him know that his entire trip wasn't in vain?

Or would that be leading him on?

"Gah!" she furiously ran her hands through her hair as the thoughts and contradictions flooded her mind.

She smashed her teeth together and resisted the urge to sigh or pout. Just one random visit from a boy that was supposed to be a childhood friend had completely messed with her head to the point that she couldn't even think straight.

She would happily face a rampaging ghost of a serial killer over the burning heat in her chest.

To that effort, Irina Shidou decided to do what Irina Shidou did best. Putting on her best game face, she equipped her sleek black exorcist body-suit, but she made sure to put on a more obscuring robe over the attire as she began the hunt for her target.

She was an agent of light. That meant removing darkness wherever it was found, be it in the streets, stalking the nights, or be it in the hearts and minds of men and women.

And of eerily attractive maybe-but-not chocolate eyed childhood friends.

* * *

 **Earlier…**

Arthur Pendragon knew not whether he should consider it luck, or a matter of mere palpability that one of the Excalibur Fragments would eventually be found in the home of the Royal Family itself. Entry was ne'er a problem, between his sister's firm grasp of magic, and his possession of Excalibur Transparency and Excalibur Nightmare, he trotted into the event as though he was merely another fanciful teen guest there for the soiree.

However unfortunate, every great plan came with some unexpected turmoil.

The unawakened Red Dragon Emperor was present at the event.

Le Fay had insisted on being the one to confront him, and his eyebrow rose slightly at the sentiment.

"Hyoudou Issei is not a man to be easily underestimated sister."

"I believe you don't give me much credit ni-sama."

That was her problem, he noted. Le Fay was eager to prove herself. Eager to please. _Too_ eager. He was certain that if he asked her to jump, she would leap her foot of the ground and defy gravity to stay suspended until he mentioned that she could land.

"I _have_ told you before. You do not have anything to prove to me sister,"

She pouted at him. "You say that now, but you don't believe I can handle a simple civilian?"

Arthur's gaze flickered over to the unassuming form of the boy who was currently on a call. He looked _ordinary_ , _mediocre_ , so easy to approach, someone who was not at all a worry or a threat. Yet, no matter how he stared at the seemingly _plain_ human boy –

Arthur was _wary_.

There was a shiver that ran through his spine on observing the boy. An instinct, born and bred from either battle or common sense which screamed to him that the boy was dangerous, that his entire form was dangerous, and the alarm bells rung heavily in his mind that it would be wise to steer clear from him.

It was as though the boy's very _soul_ was a weapon of mass destruction. That it was a bomb primed and ready, and unleashing it upon the world, unleashing the fiery destruction would bring about an apocalypse from which not even death could escape.

"Just be sure to be cautious around him – his unassuming nature – it is not… _normal_."

His sister had given him a strange look, one which he returned with a weak smile and an even weaker shrug.

"I have a sense about these things."

"I'll be fine ni-sama. You worry too much."

He watched as his sister depart, the odd feeling about that boy still resonating strangely within him, before he shrugged it off. For now, he was more focused on finding the Excalibur Fragment located in the palace. He would trust in his sister, because he knew that she was perfectly capable of –

"IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME!"

Arthur could not help the palm that had slowly moved up to cover his face.

"I AM SORRY! I CANNOT ACCEPT YOUR DECLARATION OF LOVE!"

He tried his best not to laugh or smile, he really did, but he couldn't help it, the madness of the action as Hyoudou Issei stormed out of the scene, very well creating what had looked and sounded like a public rejection. She had silently and cautiously walked back to him, now wary of the numerous eyes on her form.

"Should I chase after the man who broke my sister's heart?"

She gave him a glare, and he brought his hands up peacefully. Oh, dear, perhaps it was the wrong time to make a joke? He never could get the nuances of comedy down.

"I take it you've erased the scene then?"

Of course she had. Arthur let himself smile as he noticed that the guests seemed to be moving in a slight haze, all of them under the effects of the spell that could remove memories.

"I'm going after him."

Arthur's eyes widened – "Le Fay, I think it would be best if –"

Too late. She was gone. Apparition was her method of exit, and the young heir of King Arthur let out a muffled sigh underneath his breath. Would it be pertinent of him to chase after his sister and ensure her safety?

No. She was eager to prove herself to him, to prove that she was not a liability, and no matter what he said to assure her that it was not the case, she did not believe it. Chasing after her would only send the message further that he did not trust her judgment, and he did not believe her capable.

Instead, Arthur merely moved along the crowd, his goal of finding the Excalibur at the forefront of his mind. It would be best to complete the task he had set out to do, and trust that Le Fay would be able to complete hers.

He snorted at the security measures put in place, with mere men in guns thinking that they provided some sort of actual protection against the Royal Family. Should he choose to, he could, in that moment, completely end the Royal Bloodline with no one ever being the wiser. Even the few guards he spotted that were clearly guards of one sort or another from the Orthodox Churches would hold ne'er a threat to him.

However, needless bloodshed was neither his goal nor his purpose. No. He would gain the swords first, and then afterwards, would the change begin.

He stalked down the corridors, Excalibur Transparency being his tool of choice in remaining invisible, as the rest of his senses drew him closer to the direction of where the second-to-last Excalibur he required was. Strange, Arthur noted, when he could feel the power of the Holy Sword coming from a direction that was away from the party, away from the noise and chatter, and slightly more extravagant and secluded.

Her Majesty's private quarters?

For what possible reason would the sword be in the room of the Queen herself?

Still, Arthur paid this no heed, as he began to approach the room. However, he stopped, slightly, upon hearing the sound of… _singing?_

"Hoppu, Suteppu, Jyanpu – Doruu Doroo Doroun, Chippu Shiroppu Hoiipu – ippaiarumon!"

He stopped. The last male heir to Arthur Pendragon stopped cold, and placed his pinky finger into his ear to ensure he was hearing correctly. To ensure, with all certainty, that he was, indeed, hearing Japanese music coming from the Queen of England's private quarters.

"Hoppu, Suteppu, Jyanpu – Doruu Doroo Doroun, Chippu Shiroppu Hoiipu – Naritai atashi!"

Tentatively, Arthur whipped out Excalibur Transparency, the sword's power covering his form as he knocked the two guards in black suits out cold with swift, blunt strikes of the pommel. Then, and only then, did he dare open the door.

 _What in all the bloody hell?_

There was a large screen Television, clearly displaying what could only have been a Japanese animation, of a magical girl of all things – and the Queen seemed to be watching it?

"Oh! Looks like we've got a guest Betty!"

Arthur's eyes strayed over to the sound of the voice, only to freeze solid at the sight of the attractive girl in a short pink skirt and revealing top, twirling around a heart-shaped wand.

"Huh? Why're you invisible?"

This had not been in his calculations.

 _The Queen of England watches magical girl anime with the Satan Leviathan._

This had been in no one's calculations.

* * *

 **~SAGAH~**

* * *

Issei hated easy mode.

He felt it was patronizing. Insulting. A mockery of the very heart and soul and concept of gaming. It was the developers' way of saying: 'hey pal, we know you are not capable of handling this method of entertainment at the standard level designed, so let's make things easier for you to enjoy'. It was a genuine travesty, created for all those so-called casual gamers who merely wanted to enjoy a good story without working hard to do so.

No, when Issei played anything, everything, he played it with the difficulty set on _insane_. Perhaps, often times, he set the difficulty to _higher_ than insane. There was no point in doing it otherwise, no challenge in feeling satisfaction and accomplishment in beating it at anything lower. It would be like finding accomplishment in putting a square peg into a square hole before a kindergartner could do it.

Unfortunately for Issei, his life was _constantly_ set on easy mode, and he had to manually re-adjust it all the time. Even then, his manual re-adjustments did not quite particularly reach the level of insane difficulty – or at least, his parents wouldn't let him do it.

" _No Issei-kun, you cannot make yourself blind for the entire month._ "

" _What was that squirt? You want to cut off your arms for a week? Who do you think'll fetch the remote if you don't have arms? Request declined._ "

" _You want to make yourself go deaf? I won't give you another excuse to avoid coming upstairs for dinner Issei-kun."_

" _Yeah… so an experiment to remove your legs? So, what, I'm the one supposed to go get groceries when you can't walk? Nice try kiddo."_

" _Young man, transform back from that Magikarp right this instant!"_

In hindsight, maybe that last one had been overkill.

Regardless, it wasn't that Issei was an adrenaline junkie, nor was he someone who gained massive amount of thrills from doing ludicrous and absolutely insane feats, it was rather, that if he did _not_ place some form of extra-ordinary limit on himself… everything became… _too easy._ His life was the equivalent of waking up in the starting town in a _Pokémon_ game with a Level 100 shiny Arceus, and proceeding through the first route, brutally _slaughtering_ his way through the hapless Level 1-4 Pokémon in the tall grass, and then proceeding to the Gyms, were he would very kindly ask the Gym Leaders to bend the fuck over, so they could be screwed in the ass.

No amount of logic would be able to convince him that this was a good thing. Significant amounts of common sense and logic would tell him, that the lack of a challenge should be a _good_ thing, and that deliberately attempting to make things get harder was a horrendous idea.

Then again, humans were not meant to be logical creatures.

They did not evolve to be able to realize the benefits of logical reasoning and how it would make their lives easier. If anything, it was quite the opposite. Humans tended to rely more on emotions and irrationality to make key decisions, and seeing as how several hundreds of thousands of years of evolution had passed with this key nature, it only made sense that it was to be the norm.

"What are you doi – where are we goi –."

Issei was pretty sure that if the average Fred and Barney of the cavemen times were to hear rustling of tree leaves in the dark, their first instinct would be to flee from any possible predators that could be lying in wait. Though the more rational explanation would easily be that the wind was what caused the rustling, they were not going to risk their survival and their lives on what was _supposed_ to be rational.

"Urrrr –"

"Woman, I dare you to throw up on me _one more time_ –"

In that sense, it was not so surprising that the average twenty-first century man would find themselves also abandoning logic in exchange for one other value or another. Most of the time, Issei found that the one time people tended to abandon common sense was when it came to issues regarding women.

He stood, now discarding his hoodie in favor of a simple grey singlet which, in the cold and frigid night of beautiful London, was a feat that most people would consider absolutely insane. His gaze flickered slightly to the right, to his vomit stained hoodie, which he had used as a makeshift rag to completely clean up his face, his right eye twitching in annoyance at the now ruined artifact of clothing.

"I actually liked that hoodie damn it."

There was the sound of someone forcing down bile. "Aren't you a billionaire?"

This sound of course, happened to accompany the weight on his back, which, given the respective night cold, had chosen to voice its opinions.

"So billionaires can't have favorite clothes? Someone failed to give me the memo."

Truly, Issei marveled at the spectacular situation he found himself in. Of course, despite possessing knowledge and conducting numerous studies on gender stereotypes which found that both men and women considered it incredibly hard to _not_ treat women with the same equal disregard for life and wellbeing as their male counterparts – here he was, acting exactly like the cliché chivalrous bastard.

Le Fay was on his back, her face alternating between green and purple, courtesy of his kiss of sickness.

"So, here I am. Billionaire child prodigy, legging it back to civilization with a sick witch on my back because I'm too much of a nice guy to let her freeze to death in the middle of an abandoned freighter yard after she attempted to kill me."

Ah, Chomsky was right about humans and the ability for them to create completely novel sentences with language. Issei was sure that was an utterance that had never quite seen the light of day before.

"I could call for a helicopter or something, but unfortunately, my stolen iPhone fell and shattered courtesy of a teleporting Shoryuken by the witch, who happens to be a long lined descendant of King Arthur."

He sighed. He hated sighing. Such an annoying action. It mostly possessed negative connotations and implications – you never heard someone sigh when they were happy. Well, not counting the _sensual_ ones anyway. Or the satisfied ones. But was satisfaction truly a happy feat?

Hmm…

Oh wait, his mind was straying again.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd believe my life story was scripted by attention-deficit toddlers trying to become the next Tolkien."

There was something that sounded like a blend between a snort and chortle.

"Ah, finally, a reaction!" he said, "And here I thought the lucky passenger on my back like an infant carried by an African mother had somehow lost her vocal chords."

Again, silence was his companion. Well, wasn't that just nifty?

Then again, he _did_ kind of make her sick and then threaten her with suffering and pain if she ever tried to kill him again. It _did_ kind of make sense as to why she'd be rather clipped. Well, aside from her mouth probably tasting incredibly bitter and the horrific breath – he was certain that most of the more possible serious side-effects had passed. So, the only reason she _didn't_ talk to him, was because she didn't want to.

So, he paused.

"Le Fay."

Still, nothing.

"Le Fay."

Cold, chilled breeze.

He took in a deep breath.

"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

" _What?!_ "

Ah, there it was.

"Why haven't you attacked me yet?"

Silence metamorphosed into greater silence.

"What?"

There was no hiding the surprise in her voice, not that she could have hidden it from him at this point. With her on his back, he could feel her every heartbeat, discern every sharp intake of breath and every slow exhale, every unconscious twitch of the finger, curling of the fists, and gesture of movement that would give away much more than she intended.

"Why. Haven't. You. Attacked. Me. Yet?"

He repeated the question.

"Clearly your… ' _Magic'_ is not limited by things such as physical sickness or illness. I'm certain you've been contemplating different spells to purge your systems of my poison, but in that same time, you could have cast a stunning 'spell' on my back and teleported me away to a safe house before I was ever the wiser. In fact, there are over a thousand different ways I could think of for you to incapacitate me for my foolish deed of helping you after the initial murder attempt."

Longer silence.

"But you haven't." Issei continued, unperturbed. "Either my initial threat was far more effective than I thought, you are biding your time for something, or, for one reason or another, you feel it would not be to your best benefit to attack me."

There was a mumble, which Issei caught.

"Well, you _are_ helping me out –"

"Not for altruistic reasons." The scientist said blandly.

"What?"

"I said I'm not helping you for altruistic reasons."

"Then _why_ are you helping me?"

A shrug. "Because you are an attractive girl, and I am unfortunately a teenage boy powered by testosterone."

Cold winds.

"Really?"

"Yes." Issei said. "If you were unattractive, unworthy of sympathy, or a guy, I would have most likely left you to die in a pool of your own vomit."

"…"

Issei whirled his fingers. "Hooray for winning the genetic lottery."

"So," Le Fay said, "You are only helping me because you think I'm… hot?"

"I'm torn between being surprised at the fact that you can use that word correctly, and giving a sarcastic retort about whether you require subtitles."

"That's… kind of shallow of you, Hyoudou-sensei."

Ah, she'd reverted back to last name and title basis. That counted as progress. Did it? Probably.

"Well _pardon me_ , next time I will attempt to be less superficial when determining the fates of my would-be assassins."

"You just admitted that the only reason I'm still alive is because you think I am attractive."

"Actually, you're also alive because I feel you're worthy of my sympathy."

Well, that _might_ have been the wrong thing to say.

The respective weight that had been on his back vanished, and the loss of weight was accompanied with a sharp push that nearly sent him sprawling to the floor, had he not regained his sense of balance, and come to a skidding halt.

Le Fay was staring at him now, snarling, her brows were contorted, her nose was scrunched up in a manner that allowed Issei to take note of every single fold and furrow, and her pose was instantly morphed into one that was ready for combat.

"Really? Do you _seriously_ want to do this _again?_ "

"Worthy of _your sympathy?_ " she snarled.

"Sure it sounds a _bit_ condescending –"

And the sparks began to fly.

Literally too. Wasn't she supposed to require a wand to start sending those multi-colored beams of light at him? Then again, she hadn't required one to perform any of the deeds so far.

"You know," Issei said, dodging a rather nasty looking red beam "How is it –" he swirled around a blue beam "That your attacks aren't," he dodged an orange and yellow one "moving faster?"

And judging by the way the beams increased in fury, she most likely assumed that he was insulting her again. Sigh, all he was trying to point out was the fact that magic 'spells' should theoretically have no mass, unless the beams were somehow solid, and hence, objects with no mass whatsoever should theoretically be capable at travelling at sub-light speeds. Yet, the spells moved with the same speed as an athletic teenager tossing a baseball. Good, but nowhere near as fast as they _should_.

Wait, was he seriously analyzing the physics of his opponent's magic whilst she was trying to possibly wound or incapacitate him, _again?_

"Alright! Time out! Time out!" She was about to send another beam at him again. "If you shoot me one more time, I'll assume lethal intent and you _will not_ find the outcome favorable."

Thankfully, the memory of the threat he'd given her was enough to make her hesitate.

"As I made it clear when we first met, I _don't lie_." He said blandly, "Whether or not you accept this fact is entirely irrelevant to me, and as such, I told you the blatant truth. You _are_ worthy of my sympathy – because it is clear for all intents and purposes that you have not particularly been living the 'Barbie girl in a Barbie world' lifestyle."

She rose an eyebrow at him, and he resisted the urge to palm his face. "Do you _seriously_ want me to elaborate?"

Of course she did. She didn't see what he saw, she couldn't come to the same conclusions and deductions, and unlike his parents, she was not capable of understanding what he meant with the barest minimum of linguistic information given.

"You're an orphan."

"…Yes." She admitted, albeit begrudgingly. "So… you feel I'm worthy of your sympathy just because I don't have parents?"

"Yes." Wasn't that obvious? "Without a suitable parental figure in your life to knock some sense into you – you go around seducing scientists and following your older brother like a tiny yellow minion, trying to complete some deluded plan for world domination."

"It's not deluded!"

"Ah, so you _do_ have a plan for world domination."

The girl seemed to immediately realize her slip, and she clammed up.

"Look, by virtue of it being a plan for world domination, it _is_ deluded." Issei explained slowly. "It is more likely, and more statistically feasible that you or your brother are blindsided by an unforeseen circumstance which was not in your masterplan that ultimately leads to your failure, than it is for any ridiculous plan you've cooked up to succeed." He paused. "Actually, it is also far more likely for you to win the lottery, be invited to a threesome with Chris Hemsworth and Joe Jonas, and then be struck to death by lightning in that same day, than it is for you to take over the world. This isn't a contrived Hollywood movie where people capable of stopping you will sit back quietly and watch you conquer the world without raising a finger."

She frowned at him. "You don't even know what the plan is."

"Does it involve an artefact of massive power, capable of either rewriting, altering or destroying all of reality?"

"…No."

"Do you require the need to gather materials, items, or smaller parts necessary to power or activate this artefact?"

"…No."

"Does this plan ultimately end in a supposed achievement of godhood and superiority, attaining some deep seated dream and life goal from your childhood which you always wanted to come to fruition?"

"…No." she said weakly.

Issei rolled his eyes. "You're a horrible liar." He shook his head. " _This_ particularly is why I say you're deserving of my sympathy. You _somehow_ , _someway_ , truly believe you can take over the world. I mean… _come on!_ "

"You wouldn't understand!" she snapped, "You already have it all don't you? Money – looks – brains – everything falls into your lap with ease. And if it didn't – you wouldn't mind. You wouldn't mind because no one has any great expectations of you. No one told you day after day about how you are a descendant of a Great King, and how you _have_ to change the world. How you have to do your bloodline proud or forever be considered as a failure – considered _unworthy_ to the blood of greatness flowing in your veins."

Issei stepped backwards, his eyes shooting up.

"Do you know what it's like to be compared to an ancestor you've never met? To have your every single accomplishment belittled because a man or woman who died centuries ago could do it with ease? To be reminded of them by your very _name?_ " She growled. "Even worse – do you know how much of red target it paints on your back? Do you have any idea how many people try to hunt us down for sport, merely for _being_ _related_ to King Arthur? Monsters seeking vengeance, rogue magicians believing our blood would have great alchemical purposes, devils wanting us to enter their peerage as a shiny token, hunting us, all because we were _born_. _Do you have any idea what it's like?_ "

Issei swallowed. He couldn't say he did. The assassins and hitmen that came after him were hired by high-ranking corporations who felt his technology could ruin their business – so he was hunted for things that _he_ did. As a consequence of _his_ actions.

But for people to attempt to kill him, to treat him differently, for the rest of his life, not because of things he did, but because of an ancestor he'd never known – as a result of the very nature of his _birth_ , which was something he had no control over –

It was horrifying.

Le Fay let out a tired sigh, running her hand through her hair and over her face. "We want to take over the world. I know it sounds unbelievable – I know it's over-the-top – I know no one will ever take us seriously – but what choice do we have? People – people just won't leave us alone as long as we bear the name 'Pendragon'. No matter what we do – we're condemned to a life of trying to live up to that name or die trying."

She looked up to him, a small smile on her face. "But, if we conquer most of the known world – if we accomplish something so impossible, then, people won't look at us and think 'They are related to King Arthur.' Instead, people will look at us and think 'King Arthur was related to _them_.'"

A change in reference points. Something so seemingly minor, Issei realized, could be the very essence and core of a human being. How many people, Issei wondered, where this dismayed by the circumstances of their birth? How many sons of Sultans and Princes of Kingdoms knew at the back of their minds that they would forever be held to a standard of absolutes? How many children of celebrities were tired of a life concealed in the shadow of another being?

What was he supposed to say at the moment? Hollow, empty comforting words? Perhaps a statistical data analysis of such individuals in order to convince her that she was not alone? Except, would such have the needed effect? Would they be the words she wanted to hear? What _did_ she want to hear? Reaffirmation? Sympathy? Or did she merely wished to be understood?

Issei's mind rattled and danced back and forth, his body moving unsurely following his mind's erratic thoughts. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't a man who could immediately find the most comforting words in any situation. He wasn't a person equipped to handle such deeply sensitive issues with tact and delicateness.

The colder part of his mind told him that Le Fay's reasoning was flawed in so many ways. The world was an unfair place, and while it was true that being born as a descendant of a famous hero-king was more disadvantageous than most, it was still a far better existence than those born with life-threatening diseases. Those born with neither hands nor legs. Those born with cognitive and/or physiological defects and impairments. Those born to abusive parents and households, forced to endure horrific, dehumanizing fates in quiet silence. Those whose tears and sorrows were known only to their pillows and darkness.

Except, it would be unfair to claim so. Claiming that one should not grieve over their own sorrows in life because others had it worse, was to equivocally claim that one should not celebrate their joys in life, because others had it better. Such thinking was nonsensical.

He was thinking too much. This had been happening ever since coming to London – all of this could have been avoided if he'd just stayed home. First, it was Irina, now, it was Le Fay – people making him question things he'd rather be ignoring. Making him feel conflicting sentiments he'd rather not experience.

Issei sighed. Damn he hated sighing.

"I can't say I understand," Issei began, running his hand through his hair "I can't say I can relate. I can't say I approve either. Your plan has too many flaws, your likelihood of success is impossibly low – the odds are, you're setting yourself up for grand failure – a tragedy of Athenian proportions. It's more likely you'll fail or die than accomplish your goal. Not to mention the caveat of it is how selfish it all is – you're willing to kill innocent bystanders just to live a life where you're not compared to a dead person."

He shook his head.

"And what of any possible children you'll have? How will they deal with the shadow _you_ will cast over them? Over their lives? How will _your_ descendants deal with it? Or will you be fine with subjecting your own lineage to the same problems you now face?"

Le Fay's face went ashen, and Issei pressed on.

"And if you don't have children, then what's the point? You conquered the world, just to surpass the legend of your ancestor… _and then what?_ What next? What then when the name Le Fay Pendragon is held up higher than that of the Hero of Camelot? You think you'll find peace? You think you'll be able to rest, satisfied and basking in your glory and success? No. No – you'll instead live a life filled with opposition, with enemies and usurpers and challengers at every turn and every corner. There will be nothing but battle, blood and warfare left for the remaining of your days. Is that the life you want?"

"I – I – I –" Le Fay said feebly.

"No. No you don't." Issei answered for her. "You don't want to kill innocent people. You don't want to be a ruthless monarch or dictator. You don't want to fight – you don't want to kill. Le Fay – all you want is to be _accepted._ You want to be seen as your own person. You want someone to recognize you for _you_ and no-one else."

Issei's eyes locked unto her, a softness entering them.

"You don't really want to conquer the world, you just want to be able to _be yourself_ inside it."

The genius allowed a glimmer of a smile to grace his lips. "And to do that – you don't need a grand plan for world domination. You don't need to conquer the world – all you need – are people."

"P... people?" she repeated.

"People who couldn't care less if you were related to King Arthur of Camelot, or Gilgamesh of Sumeria." Issei said bluntly. "Preferably, people who want to associate with you, because _you're you_."

Issei genuinely could not comprehend what was more depressing. The realization that Le Fay never had anyone like that to begin with, which spoke volumes of the type of childhood she experienced, or the fact that she had determined herself that world domination was the solution to a relatively, slightly-simple issue.

But, then again, the girl was most likely homeschooled. This meant that she would have had very little to absolutely no interaction with her peers her own age. Then, to acerbate the issue, she was sheltered, hence, doubling the lack of access to something as simple as basic human interaction with people her own age. She would have been focusing most of her time on training and magical studies, therefore leading to even _more_ seclusion. By the time she was thirteen, she would have gone her whole life without ever interacting with someone 'normal' who was her own age.

Additionally, she could not have any friends her own age, because they were not… 'magical' apparently. If it was truly as she said, and devils and monsters flocked to her because of her name, it would be dangerous for any friends she kept, as they would most likely be used as hostages to draw or lull her out. Alternatively, they would never have been allowed to come close to her in the first place, because they did not have any supernatural connection.

It reminded Issei of a thesis paper he once wrote on the psycho-analysis of Rapunzel from _Tangled_. Logically speaking, a girl locked up in a tower all her life, having grown with neither human interaction nor the learned/acquired knowledge of the outside world, should have, realistically, been killed the second she came into contact with the medieval society of the world she inhabited. Or at the very least, she should have developed massive dependency issues on the one woman she interacted with for years.

Humans were social creatures for a _very_ good reason – you couldn't lock someone up in a room for years and bring them out and expect them to function normally in society. There would be communication problems, social awkwardness, lack of ability to understand contextual clues, developed slangs and jargons, and Personality Disorders would most certainly appear.

It was the equivalent of putting a man in solitary confinement for eighteen years, with only the jailer visiting him – and then expecting the man to leave with nothing but a smile on his face, and an eager desire to explore the world he'd been missing.

Not. Feasible.

The cold night winds of London made Issei shudder slightly, rubbing his shoulders before turning his attention back to his sole night-time companion, remembering the technique she had used to bring them to this place.

"You like Harry Potter don't you?"

The girl looked up, her face immediately beaming. "Y-yes?"

"Have you ever been to a Harry Potter convention before?"

She blinked. "No."

Issei nodded. "Now, imagine going to one. Go to one, and then turn around and talk to a random stranger, greet them, tell them your name is Le Fay Pendragon. How do you think they'll react?"

"I – I don't know?"

"They'll think you're lying, and call you on your bullshit." Issei said dryly. "Or, they'll think you're into roleplay."

Le Fay snickered. "Really?"

"If you tell them you're Arthur's descendant, they'll think you're _really_ into roleplay." He added. "And there – you'll have people interested in you – people who'll _probably_ try to correct you on Arthurian legends with made up versions – and people telling you all sorts of magnificent fan theories about Ravenclaw being the lovechild of Merlin and Helga Hufflepuff."

She balked. "That's not – that _can't_ be possible! In the books, Ravenclaw and Helga were around the same age, and Merlin was a _student –_ "

Issei rose his hands. "And why are you telling _me_ this? There are people out there who need the correction. All you have to do is find them."

Oh, if only his mother could see him now. The irony and hypocrisy of his own statements – considering he'd locked himself up in his lab and swore off human interaction.

"I… I can't believe it." Issei heard her say. "Is it… really that simple? Is that all I really needed? People? I mean… my life – it's still not safe. There are people who'll target me – target my brother because of who we are – we can't run from that."

"No, you can't." He acquiesced. "True, your fate and your life is forever shrouded in threats and danger. People will still want to target you. People will want to try to get to your loved ones in order to get to you. You didn't choose this life – no one chooses to be born or the circumstances that follow their lives after birth. Some people are born in the finest hospitals in the world, and others are born in the back-seat of a taxi in three-mile long traffic. The difference is, you can decide where you go from there."

You could, but only to an extent, Issei thought. Only as far as the circumstances of your birth allowed. For every ten success stories of marvelous rags-to-riches story, there were a thousand untold failures. For every Oprah Winfrey – there were a hundred women who committed suicide or were currently standing on the side of the road with a cigar in hand haggling prices for the cost of a ten minute session.

He didn't say this though. Le Fay didn't need to know that. She didn't need to be discouraged.

Damn his sexist chivalry.

 _VROOM! VROOM!_

Both teens turned their attention to the sound of a revving engine, their attention eventually spotting what seemed to be a smooth, sleek red Lamborghini racing down the road towards them.

"And my ride's here." Issei spoke up, shuddering at the cold, but allowing a small grin as the vehicle spun around to a fast stop right in front of them, the door immediately swinging open.

"Kiki! You do love me!" Issei declared, grinning happily. "Although you're a little bit late. Thirty three minutes and sixteen seconds? You can't expect me to believe that the nearest fastest land vehicle was over thirty minutes away."

" _Issei-sama, may we save the comedic jokes for when we are no longer in the presence of an enemy?"_ the familiar feminine voice of Kiki spoke up from the car's speakers.

Issei waved off her concern. "Ah – don't worry about it Kiki – I had a long interesting chat with Le Fay. We're all good now."

" _I am not referring to her, Issei-sama. I am referring to him_."

It was rare for Issei to see what was essentially ripples in time and space appear, occurring in front of his eyes like an optical illusion, or like special effects. Yet, it occurred, in that exact moment, as time and space seemed to _whimper_ , and what could only be described as a ripple in reality tore open, and from within it – a blonde man emerged.

"A-Arthur-ni-sama!"

Immaculate. That was the word that Issei would use to describe the young man in front of him. With sharp eyes and striking features, a suit so finely pressed and elegantly worn, with hair a shade darker than that of his sister's and a sharp, penetrating gaze hidden behind a pair of spectacles.

"Kiki… how did you –"

" _We need to leave Issei-sama. We need to leave_ immediately _. All my sensors are overloading and detecting immense numbers of mathematically incalculable anomalies coming from that man."_

"Le Fay – we need to leave the ci –." The young man stopped, now paying attention to the disheveled, tired and sick looking appearance of Le Fay Pendragon, before his gaze shot up, locking onto Issei.

" **What did you do to my sister?** "

It was like all the pressure of the world came crashing down on his shoulders at that moment. He became Atlas, tasked not with holding the skies, but with the entirety of the Milky Way galaxy. Issei dropped to his knees, almost feeling his eyes pop out from his skull, and feeling his head nearly slam to the ground from the magnified sensation of weight and gravity.

 _What… what is this feeling?_

Before him, a man was no longer standing. Instead, Issei could only raise his head enough to see the _darkdarkdarkdark_ form of a shadowed _wraith –_ some form of _beast_ – it completely covered the man's form and made his eyes glow with the eerie sensation freshly cooled corpses. Faster than the scientist's eyes could track, there was a sword in the man's hand – a blade that felt intrinsically _wrong_ – a blade that seemed to have reality itself _screeching_ as it seemed to obey it's every command and instruction –

" **Excalibur Ruler – DESTR –"**

"NI-SAMA, STOP!"

A bead of sweat fell from Issei's brow. His heart pounded harder and harder, he could see his breath come out in front of him in the form of misty, heated gasps. He was made acutely aware of all the blood rushing in his system at that moment – and yet – he still found himself paralyzed, unable to move an inch.

Kiki attempted to swoop him to his safety – a failed attempt – the monster of a man, he swung his blade – and the Lamborghini was sliced into eight identical pieces. Issei only saw the blade swung once – he knew not how a blade swung one time could do that – he didn't know how a man that was supposedly a mere human could slice apart a car with a sword so effortlessly –

 _This_ was considered _weaker_ than the legends of King Arthur? What sort of monster was Arthur of Camelot?

 _What sort of monsters are in this world?_

"We – we don't need to kill him Ni-sama. We just… we…" Le Fay turned to him, her lips pursed as she bit on them. "Let's… just… take his Sacred Gear. We don't need to kill him… pointlessly."

Issei's head shot up, his chest burned as he stared at her, his ears unable to believe what he was hearing.

"…We don't have much time. I expect you to explain everything to me when we arrive, sister."

The man waved his sword, and Issei felt his body growing progressively weaker, almost as though he was being commanded to lose consciousness, commanded to allow his muscles relax and his brain halt the production of adrenaline.

Inwardly, with his wavering strength, he felt irritated. He felt annoyed. He felt… he felt _enraged._

Had nothing he said gotten into the girl's head? Had she not realized how this path would end?

 _DIDN'T SHE LISTEN TO A SINGLE THING HE SAID?_

"Le Fay… you… why…"

The girl's gaze turned away from him, even as his vision slowly blackened.

Of course. He almost chuckled. It made sense to him in hindsight. You couldn't just _talk_ to someone and then watch as they changed their deepest thoughts and formed biases in an immediate, mind-blowing revelation. No matter how well thought out your argument was, no matter how many solid points you made – people tended to do what they wanted, what they _felt_.

To think he believed that he had gotten through to her… who the hell did he think he was? Naruto Uzumaki? He didn't have Talk no Jutsu on his side. Things never worked that simply in real life.

God damn it… he was stupid… so… stupid… stupid chivalry… stupid for not killing Le Fay… stupid for being swayed by her looks… stupid for thinking he could reach her with words… And now… now…

"Kiki… enable… last stand… protocol…"

Now… he would have to kill two people.


End file.
